March 26th, 2013, 03:10 PM #1
Tyler Seguin admits it was his smelling salts, not coach’s earpiece, that ruined fan’
On Monday night, we marvelled at an incredible blooper from Geoff Ward. Early in the third period, the Boston Bruins assistant coach appeared to decide he was finished with his earpiece and toss it over the glass. That in itself would have been worth a chuckle, but what made it even more remarkable was that the discarded earpiece then happened to land in a fan's beer on the other side of the glass.
But on Tuesday, the Bruins set the record straight. No, Geoff Ward didn't just drain the circus shot of the year, ruining a fan's beer with his ear candy. As he explains, while that thing falls out of his ear on the regular, it wasn't the item that fell into the fan's beer. So what was it? Tyler Seguin's smelling salts.
So wait, Tyler Seguin just throws his stuff wherever? Maybe those rumours about his disgusting Swiss apartment are true after all.
But here's the thing: the Bruins may have provided answers, but they've also raised a lot of questions. What happened to that fan? Did he continue to drink his beer after a concentrated dose of ammonia fell into it? Because that would be bad.
Furthermore, was he able to fish the smelling salts out of the beer and use them in his everyday life? I'm imagining a "Like Mike" scenario where he secretly wished that he would be able to play like Tyler Seguin, and then -- zap -- Seguin's smelling salts fell into his beer.
Boston-area men's leagues: if, suddenly, a brown-haired male you know has gone from a mediocre player to a full-blown stud overnight, there's a good chance he's using the performance-enhanging magic he recently derived from Tyler Seguin's smelling salts.
But what if this isn't a "Like Mike" scenario? What if it's a "Space Jam" scenario and Seguin's talent hasn't been shared -- it's been stolen, like the Monstars did to Charles Barkley? Despite waking himself up with smelling salts in the third, Seguin still finished the game a minus-1 with no shots.
We may have to find this man.