Thread: The bad (or even good) joke thread!

A man gave me an awful fright...

What was it???

His daughter...

Seeing that yesterday was "Bad Joke Friday" on my local rock radio station here is on I got from them.

How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A Buck-an-ear!

At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in that direction. The ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all stood in amazement, one man asked him, "How on earth did you do that?"

He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You have to know the bus schedule."

Did you hear about the blond guy who got arrested in the supermarket?
He didn't know the checker was talking about his debit card when she said "strip down, facing me."

How many Red Wing fans does it take to screw in a light bulb???

None...they can't find their way from the rafters...

Does Oscar Pistorius have a sound defense? Or does he not have a leg to stand on?

Something is wrong with my DVR...

I have it set to record all the Oilers games but all I ever get is the "Biggest Loser".

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for the brain of a Kings fan, and $5 for a brain of a Ducks fan." The moment turned awkward.

The Kings fans in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the Ducks fans, but some actually smirked. A Kings fan, unable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the Kings fan’s brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the Kings fans brains, because they've actually been used."

Somebody once asked me to define Chutzpah.

So I told them that I will give them an example.

Once a student got caught cheating for the millionth time, but his teacher didn't know and thought that he was a first time offender.

So he criticized him for cheating and the student said...

"You are criticizing me? You should criticize yourself for not catching me earlier!"