May 26th, 2013, 03:31 PM #191
Joe Thornton walks into a bar... The bartender gives him a Heineken...
I said HEIMLICH...idiot...
Last edited by King Ludwig; May 28th, 2013 at 10:49 PM.
May 27th, 2013, 12:26 PM #192
May 28th, 2013, 10:59 PM #193
Two Sharks fans walk into a restaurant and all hell breaks loose...
I asked this girl what happened...and she said..."I put an ad in the paper for a new boyfriend and to come here wearing a carnation... The only thing wrong was that's all they wore..."
May 29th, 2013, 12:29 PM #194
How do you know when a woman is having an orgasm?
Who gives a ****?
By the way, for the female members of LGK, I have been happily married for 18 years and my wife thinks that joke is hilarious. It's just a joke. Don't crucify me.
May 29th, 2013, 12:30 PM #195
What are the three rings of marriage?
1) The Engagement ring
2) The Wedding ring
3) The suffering
May 29th, 2013, 02:23 PM #196
Why is marriage like taking a bath???
The longer you're in it...it's not so hot...
May 29th, 2013, 03:49 PM #197
Jr: Dad, today in school, I learned that in ancient China, a man would marry a woman that he didn't even know!
Dad: Son, it's still like that, only it's everywhere.
May 31st, 2013, 10:23 AM #198
The CEOs of Budweiser, Sam Adams, Coors, and Miller all walk into a Pittsburgh bar after a beer-tasting contest.
The CEO of Budweiser steps up to the bar and says: "I'll have a Budweiser, the King of Beers!"
The Coors CEO says: "I'll have a Coors, the beer as cool as the Rockies!"
The Miller CEO says, in turn: "I'll have the good ol' taste of a triple-hops brewed Miller!"
The CEO of Sam Adams ponders for a moment and says to the bartender: "Oh, I'll just have a Coke." Bewildered, the other 3 CEOs stare and ask why he didn't order a beer.
The Sam Adams CEO shrugged and said "Well, if you weren't ordering beer, I didn't think I would either".
June 3rd, 2013, 02:25 AM #199
Johnny comes home from school and tells his father he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful? What part is it?"
Johnny says, "I play the part of a Southern husband."
The father scowls and says, "You go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
June 5th, 2013, 07:08 PM #200
A fellow took his blonde girlfriend (a huge Ducks fan) to the movies. During the previews, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & Ms.
When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away.
"What did you do that for?" he asked her.
"I'm allergic to chocolate!" she replied.