July 20th, 2013, 07:58 PM #211
July 20th, 2013, 10:56 PM #212
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a colonoscopy in Alabama, I decided to have my next one carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.
As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure.
"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me.
"I haven't got an erection," I replied.
"No, but I have," replied the nurse.
July 24th, 2013, 08:38 PM #213
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
July 24th, 2013, 09:52 PM #214
What did the cannibal do after he ate his Girlfriend?
He dumped her...
July 28th, 2013, 12:37 PM #215
It was Palm Sunday and Sue's five-year-old son, Johnny, had to stay home from church, with a neighbor, because he was sick.
When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for. His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by."
"Wouldn't you know it," Johnny said, "The one Sunday I don't go, Jesus shows up!"
July 30th, 2013, 12:18 AM #216
I took a pleasure trip today... I took my mother-in-law to the airport...
July 30th, 2013, 12:37 AM #217
Proof that Men Have Better Friends ...
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning She told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best Friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he Told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's House. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there .
July 30th, 2013, 11:41 AM #218
Jack the Ripper isn't dead... He's doing my laundry...
July 30th, 2013, 11:51 AM #219
Originally Posted by 4everking
August 26th, 2013, 09:08 AM #220
Three scotswomen are walking home at night (they are neighbors) and find a scotsman passed out partially under a wagon. His upper body is under the wagon and they can't see who he is; however, they would like to help him get home.
The first woman looks under his kilt and says, "It's not my husband".
The second woman looks under his kilt and says, "It's not my husband".
The third woman looks under his kilt and says, "Why he's not even from our village!"