A middle aged man was walking down the street we a friend saw him and noticed he looked sad.
“Jim, is everything okay?” he asked.
“No, it’s not. My son was expelled from college because of his poor eyesight.”
The man was shocked, and replied “How could they expel your son for his eyesight?”
Jim answered, “He mistook the dean of women for one of the co-eds.”
How does Davy Crockett like his pie?
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
A gang rape.
In the back woods of Oklahoma, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here you hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
"Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl.
"No, no don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
I'll be driving the bus to hell.
Ever seem Stevie Womder's daughter? Neither has he
Did you hear about the psychic midget that escaped from prison?
Authorities are looking for a small medium at large.
My last girlfriend had a weird plant fetish, almost like Poison Ivy.
She bought a plant that she would put by her bedside. A plant she called Robert.
So she would tell me that she would sleep next to Robert Plant every night.
I dumped her.
And not because I hate plants, but because I hate Led Zeppelin.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that did the math before reading the punch line.
Originally Posted by King Ludwig
Why does the French Navy use glass bottom boats???
To see the old French Navy...