where do cows go see a flick…
I will show my self out
My girlfriend is prego. We like to get kinky anyways.
One night things get particularly saucy. I'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird chunks coming out so I turn on the lights
There's red ****ing everywhere and obviously she's not on her period. I look up and she has a glassy, jarred look on her face and isn't responsive
**** **** **** **** ****!!!
I rush her to the hospital, she's still bleeding all over the place
By the time we get there the bleeding's slowed, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless, almost transparent
Oh **** no is she's in a vegetative state?
I storm into the ER, grab the nearest doctor and explain everything
He looks at her and says "I'm sorry sir, there's nothing we can do."
Enraged, I yell "WHY THE **** NOT?!"
"We don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
Santa got arrested for pimping on the Las Vegas Strip...
He kept pointing to the girls yelling "HO!!! HO!!! HO!!!"...
what's the difference between Miley Cyrus and a mosquito?
After a couple slaps a mosquito stops sucking
Have you heard about the lecherous Scotsman who lured a girl up to his attic to see his etchings?
He sold her five of them.
Two golfers kept having to wait at each tee for two ladies to clear the hole before they could tee off. The ladies seemed more interested in shooting the bull than shooting golf. After several holes, one guy got up his nerve and said he was going up there to ask for permission to play through. He walked about 100 yards then turned around and came back.
The other guy asked "What's wrong?"
He said "I can't go up there. That's my wife and my girlfriend."
The other guy said he'd go ask to play through then. He too got to where he could see them and came back. He said "Small world, ain't it?"
There was this guy who bumped into a friend on the street... His face was all cut up and his hair looked like a rat slept in it for months... The friend asked his friend where he got the shave and haircut so he could avoid it...
"I got my hair cut at the Yimca Hotel"
"I've never heard of the Yimca Hotel... Where is it???"
"You know...that place downtown... Y-M-C-A... Yimca"
What's the difference between the Vancouver Canucks and a steaming bag of cow pies???