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Thread: The bad (or even good) joke thread!

  1. #311
    Registered Redophile King Ludwig's Avatar




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    You might be a redneck if you've ever accepted a belch over a call block...

  2. #312
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    Most Dangerous Jobs In Star Wars

    Death Star crew member
    Gungan speech therapist
    Stormtrooper shooting instructor
    Skywalker foster parent
    Droid peddler
    Slave girl in Jabba's palace
    Protocol droid
    Imperial Admirals
    Insurance adjuster for the Death Star
    Sith lord

  3. #313
    Team LGK latka's Avatar




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    A tourist in Australia was driving through the Australian Outback when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a kangaroo.




    A few kilometers further down the road he came upon a small town, parked his car and went into the pub for a drink.

    He grabbed a beer and had a look around the bar and noticed a one-legged guy sitting in the corner masturbating without a care in the world.

    The tourist turned to the bartender and said, "What sort of country is this? A few kilometers down the road there was a guy having sex with a kangaroo and now that guy in the corner is masturbating in public."

    The bartender said, "You heartless bastard, he's only got one leg, how do you expect him to catch a kangaroo?"
    RoyalSubject likes this.

  4. #314
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    An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback.

    They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked, and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

    “What happened?” she asks.

    “I’ve never been with a woman,” he says, “but if it’s anything like a kangaroo, I’m gonna need all the room I can get.”

  5. #315
    Team LGK latka's Avatar




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    What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patrick's day?
    Everyone wants to be Irish on St. Patrick's day!

  6. #316
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    An Irish priest is driving down a highway and is pulled over for speeding.
    The policeman smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle beside him. He asks the priest, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
    The priest responds, “No officer, just water,”
    The policeman asks, “Then why do I smell wine?”
    The priest looks at the bottle and says, “The Good Lord! He’s done it again!”


    Pat and Murphy out fishing and the boat motor dies.
    After two days and drifting miles from the coast, they find a bottle in the water. Pat rubs the bottle and a genie poofs out.
    “I will grant you one wish,” says the genie.
    Without a thought, Pat says, “I wish to turn the sea into Guinness.”
    The genie says, “Your wish is my command,” and the sea turns into Guinness.
    Murphy yells at Pat, “You fool! Now, we’ll have to pee in the boat!”




    Flaherty comes home drunk every evening, upsetting his wife.
    One night, she dresses as a red devil and hides in the cemetery to scare him when he walks by.
    Flaherty walks by drunk and his wife jumps up yelling, “Flaherty, if you don’t give up your drinking, you will go to Hell.”
    Flaherty staggers back and demands, “Who the hell are you?”
    She replies, “I’m the devil, you old fool!”
    Flaherty responds, “Damn glad to meet you, sir, I’m married to your sister.”
    TooCool likes this.

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    A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

    Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

    The others agree that sounds like a good place.

    Then the American says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."

    Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

    Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

    "Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"

    "No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister."
    TooCool likes this.

  8. #318
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    Luther Crawel invented the paper sack in 1852... Said he'd gone out with some ugly women and somebody had to do something...

  9. #319
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    Shortest Books Ever Written


    A Millennium Of German Humor
    Automobile Design in India
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    A Collection of Sonatas for Banjo
    Compendium Of Puerto Rican Nobel Prize Winners
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    Art Garfunkle: How To Sustain a Musical Career
    Exploits of North Korean Fighter Pilots
    A Foreigner's Guide To Camping In Florida
    Finest Snorkel Locations in Norway
    The Amish Phone Book
    The Chinese Influence in Ice Hockey
    Complete Guide To Arab Democracies
    Negroes I Have Met While Yachting
    Bowler's Guide To Health & Fitness
    Chess Masters From the Greater Antilles
    Career Opportunities For Psychology Majors
    Essays on Freedom From Libya
    Al Gore: The Wild Years
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    Fun Things to do with Licorice
    Jewish Sports Legends
    List Of Rap Songs With Positive Messages
    Household Uses For Plutonium
    The Irish In Israel: A Retrospective
    My Core Values, by Bill Clinton
    World Leaders Born In Omaha
    Poems by Professional Wrestlers
    Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
    My Plan To Find The Real Killers, by OJ Simpson

  10. #320
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    Quote Originally Posted by latka View Post
    Shortest Books Ever Written


    A Millennium Of German Humor
    Automobile Design in India
    Sub-Saharan Architecture
    A Collection of Sonatas for Banjo
    Compendium Of Puerto Rican Nobel Prize Winners
    List of Popular or Respected Lawyers
    Archives of the Mexican Space Program
    Genghis Khan And The Mongols: A Feminist Perspective
    Art Garfunkle: How To Sustain a Musical Career
    Exploits of North Korean Fighter Pilots
    A Foreigner's Guide To Camping In Florida
    Finest Snorkel Locations in Norway
    The Amish Phone Book
    The Chinese Influence in Ice Hockey
    Complete Guide To Arab Democracies
    Negroes I Have Met While Yachting
    Bowler's Guide To Health & Fitness
    Chess Masters From the Greater Antilles
    Career Opportunities For Psychology Majors
    Essays on Freedom From Libya
    Al Gore: The Wild Years
    The Technical Wizardry of the Samoans
    Through Detroit With Gun and Camera
    Motivational Speeches by Dr. Kevorkian
    Dutch Generosity Through The Centuries
    UNIX Made Easy
    Tennis Greats Among the Eskimo
    List of Non-Lesbian Feminists
    An Engineer's Guide to Fashion
    French Hospitality
    Great Recipes from the Standard English Cook Book
    Heterosexual Hangouts In Key West
    Great Chefs of Sierra Leone
    How Paperclips Work
    The List of Italian War Heroes
    The Complete Book of Jewish Business Ethics
    Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance

    My Argument For Democracy, by Ted Kennedy
    The NFL's Greatest Thinkers
    Operating Instructions For Scotch Tape
    Inventions From 8000 Years of African Civilization
    The Genius Of Barry Manilow
    Proud Parents Of Rock Musicians
    Social Occasions Requiring Hip Waders
    Fun Things to do with Licorice
    Jewish Sports Legends
    List Of Rap Songs With Positive Messages
    Household Uses For Plutonium
    The Irish In Israel: A Retrospective
    My Core Values, by Bill Clinton
    World Leaders Born In Omaha
    Poems by Professional Wrestlers
    Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
    My Plan To Find The Real Killers, by OJ Simpson
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    latka and TooCool like this.

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