February 16th, 2014, 05:50 AM #311
You might be a redneck if you've ever accepted a belch over a call block...
February 24th, 2014, 12:37 PM #312
Most Dangerous Jobs In Star Wars
Death Star crew member
Gungan speech therapist
Stormtrooper shooting instructor
Skywalker foster parent
Slave girl in Jabba's palace
Insurance adjuster for the Death Star
March 10th, 2014, 09:36 PM #313
A tourist in Australia was driving through the Australian Outback when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a kangaroo.
A few kilometers further down the road he came upon a small town, parked his car and went into the pub for a drink.
He grabbed a beer and had a look around the bar and noticed a one-legged guy sitting in the corner masturbating without a care in the world.
The tourist turned to the bartender and said, "What sort of country is this? A few kilometers down the road there was a guy having sex with a kangaroo and now that guy in the corner is masturbating in public."
The bartender said, "You heartless bastard, he's only got one leg, how do you expect him to catch a kangaroo?"
March 10th, 2014, 10:09 PM #314
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback.
They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked, and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
“What happened?” she asks.
“I’ve never been with a woman,” he says, “but if it’s anything like a kangaroo, I’m gonna need all the room I can get.”
March 17th, 2014, 05:51 PM #315
What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patrick's day?
Everyone wants to be Irish on St. Patrick's day!
March 17th, 2014, 05:53 PM #316
An Irish priest is driving down a highway and is pulled over for speeding.
The policeman smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle beside him. He asks the priest, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
The priest responds, “No officer, just water,”
The policeman asks, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “The Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
Pat and Murphy out fishing and the boat motor dies.
After two days and drifting miles from the coast, they find a bottle in the water. Pat rubs the bottle and a genie poofs out.
“I will grant you one wish,” says the genie.
Without a thought, Pat says, “I wish to turn the sea into Guinness.”
The genie says, “Your wish is my command,” and the sea turns into Guinness.
Murphy yells at Pat, “You fool! Now, we’ll have to pee in the boat!”
Flaherty comes home drunk every evening, upsetting his wife.
One night, she dresses as a red devil and hides in the cemetery to scare him when he walks by.
Flaherty walks by drunk and his wife jumps up yelling, “Flaherty, if you don’t give up your drinking, you will go to Hell.”
Flaherty staggers back and demands, “Who the hell are you?”
She replies, “I’m the devil, you old fool!”
Flaherty responds, “Damn glad to meet you, sir, I’m married to your sister.”
March 17th, 2014, 09:39 PM #317
A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.
Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The others agree that sounds like a good place.
Then the American says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."
Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.
Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"
"No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister."
March 20th, 2014, 12:00 AM #318
Luther Crawel invented the paper sack in 1852... Said he'd gone out with some ugly women and somebody had to do something...
March 24th, 2014, 07:32 PM #319
Shortest Books Ever Written
A Millennium Of German Humor
Automobile Design in India
A Collection of Sonatas for Banjo
Compendium Of Puerto Rican Nobel Prize Winners
List of Popular or Respected Lawyers
Archives of the Mexican Space Program
Genghis Khan And The Mongols: A Feminist Perspective
Art Garfunkle: How To Sustain a Musical Career
Exploits of North Korean Fighter Pilots
A Foreigner's Guide To Camping In Florida
Finest Snorkel Locations in Norway
The Amish Phone Book
The Chinese Influence in Ice Hockey
Complete Guide To Arab Democracies
Negroes I Have Met While Yachting
Bowler's Guide To Health & Fitness
Chess Masters From the Greater Antilles
Career Opportunities For Psychology Majors
Essays on Freedom From Libya
Al Gore: The Wild Years
The Technical Wizardry of the Samoans
Through Detroit With Gun and Camera
Motivational Speeches by Dr. Kevorkian
Dutch Generosity Through The Centuries
UNIX Made Easy
Tennis Greats Among the Eskimo
List of Non-Lesbian Feminists
An Engineer's Guide to Fashion
Great Recipes from the Standard English Cook Book
Heterosexual Hangouts In Key West
Great Chefs of Sierra Leone
How Paperclips Work
The List of Italian War Heroes
The Complete Book of Jewish Business Ethics
Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance
My Argument For Democracy, by Ted Kennedy
The NFL's Greatest Thinkers
Operating Instructions For Scotch Tape
Inventions From 8000 Years of African Civilization
The Genius Of Barry Manilow
Proud Parents Of Rock Musicians
Social Occasions Requiring Hip Waders
Fun Things to do with Licorice
Jewish Sports Legends
List Of Rap Songs With Positive Messages
Household Uses For Plutonium
The Irish In Israel: A Retrospective
My Core Values, by Bill Clinton
World Leaders Born In Omaha
Poems by Professional Wrestlers
Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
My Plan To Find The Real Killers, by OJ Simpson
March 24th, 2014, 11:51 PM #320
You may have missed a few...
Originally Posted by latka
The Vancouver Canucks Guide To Winning Stanley Cups
Phoenix Coyotes Medical Directory by Dr. Doan
The Goon Squad Fan Club Directory
Why I Love Amy's Baking Company by Gordon Ramsay
The Wit and Wisdom Of Brian Hayward
Good Calls We Have Made by the NHLOA