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Thread: The bad (or even good) joke thread!

  1. #81
    2nd Scoring Line 4everking's Avatar




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    Subject: State Mottos




    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------








    This is cute............
    Alabama
    Hell Yes, We Have Electricity.
    Alaska
    11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
    Arizona
    Yes, But It's A Dry Heat.
    Arkansas
    Lituracy Ain't Everythang.
    California
    By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
    Where men are men, and half the girls are too.
    Colorado
    If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
    Connecticut
    Like Massachusetts, only smaller.
    Delaware
    We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
    Florida
    Ask Us About Our Grandkids And Our Voting Skills.
    Georgia
    We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
    Hawaii
    Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
    ( Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
    Idaho
    More Than Just Potatoes...
    Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
    Illinois
    Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"
    Indiana
    2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
    Iowa
    We Do Amazing Things With Corn
    Kansas
    First Of The Rectangle States
    Kentucky
    Five Million People;
    Fifteen Last Names
    Louisiana
    We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
    Maine
    We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
    Maryland
    If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
    Massachusetts
    Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt!
    Michigan
    First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
    Minnesota
    10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes
    Mississippi
    Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State
    Missouri
    Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
    Montana
    Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections!
    Nebraska
    Ask About Our State Motto Contest
    Nevada
    Hookers and Poker!
    New Hampshire
    Go Away And Leave Us Alone
    New Jersey
    You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
    I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
    New Mexico
    Lizards Make Excellent Pets
    New York
    You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
    You Have The Right To An Attorney...
    And No Right To Self Defense!
    North Carolina
    Tobacco Is A Vegetable
    North Dakota
    We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
    Ohio
    At Least We're Not Michigan
    Oklahoma
    Like The Play, But No Singing
    Oregon
    Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
    Pennsylvania
    Cook With Coal
    Rhode Island
    We're Not REALLY An Island
    South Carolina
    Remember The Civil War?
    Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender
    South Dakota
    Closer Than North Dakota
    Tennessee
    Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum.
    Texas
    Se Hable Ingles
    Utah
    Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
    Vermont
    Too liberal for the Kennedys
    Virginia
    Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
    Washington
    Where Our Governor & Legislature ignore our State Constitution
    West Virginia
    One Big Happy Family...Really!
    Wisconsin
    Come Cut the Cheese!
    Wyoming
    Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
    (Home of Brokeback Mtn.)
    The District of Columbia
    The Work-Free Drug Place!
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  2. #82
    Part of the "Quick" Crowd Royal_Roader's Avatar




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    I heat my house with coal. Does that count?
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  3. #83
    Registered Redophile King Ludwig's Avatar




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    Henry was trying to help his son fly a kite in the backyard, but couldn't get it to stay in the air. His wife called from the back door, "Henry, you need more tail."

    "I wish you'd make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite."
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  4. #84
    mmmmm Taco's jammer06's Avatar




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    From our chinese exchange student:

    "My friend was talking about how he could never get a girl. I told him he should change his name to Christmas. He asked why and I told him everyone is always saying Marry Christmas"
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  5. #85
    Team LGK latka's Avatar




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    Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at
    the pearly gates.
    'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
    The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
    'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
    The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
    Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
    The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
    St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
    The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'
    And So The Christmas Season Begins...

  6. #86
    I revoke Man Cards FishMonger's Avatar




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    The CBA negotiations.
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  7. #87
    Dolphins Hate Sharks! orpheus's Avatar




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    Quote Originally Posted by FishMonger View Post
    The CBA negotiations.
    Does that count as a bad or good joke?
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  8. #88
    I revoke Man Cards FishMonger's Avatar




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    Quote Originally Posted by orpheus View Post
    Does that count as a bad or good joke?
    Anger-inducing.

  9. #89
    FBJ
    FBJ is offline
    LGK's Red Baron FBJ's Avatar




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    DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
    The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
    The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
    The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
    A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull......
    With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
    The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

    "Your badge... Show him your badge!!"
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    Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Bullets are cheap. Life is priceless.


  10. #90
    Registered Redophile King Ludwig's Avatar




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    The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

    The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

    The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

    "Yes?" replied the teacher.

    "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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