Thread: The bad (or even good) joke thread!

We had a thread like this where peeps here would post jokes and I miss it!

So I'll start!


There was once a couple who had a baby, but he was just a head without a body. However, his father promised to love him and tell him he was as good as anyone else.

When the son turned 21, the father was so proud and he took his son to a bar so he could get his first beer.

When the son drank beer, he grew a torso. He drank some more and started growing limbs. At this point, most people at the bar started cheering him on and telling him to continue drinking. And he did. And eventually grew an entire body, but by that time, he was so wasted that he stumbled out of the bar, and walked right in front of an oncoming truck and got run over and killed.

Then one guy at the bar who was not cheering his over indulgence with alcohol said, "He should had stopped when he was ahead."

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?









Dam.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

So there was a young Jewish couple who went to Mexico City on a trip. And they were interested in visiting any possible Jewish communities in the area. And when they were eating at their hotel's restaurant, they asked the waiter if there are any Mexican Jews.

And the waiter said no. And they had a hard time believing this because they thought there are always some Jews everywhere. So they asked him, "Are you sure?"

And the waiter told him, here in this restaurant, we have tomato juice, orange juice, but who's heard of Mexican juice?

A man is sitting with an engineer, a geologist, and a seismologist. He picks up a pen and says to the engineer, "How long is this pen?" The engineer whips out his scale and calculator and replies, "It is 4.00 inches." The man turns to the geologist and says, "What do you think?" The geologist takes the pen, looks at it, and says, "It's about 4 inches or so." The man turns to the geophysicist, and says, "How about you?" The geophysicist scoots his chair over right next to the man, leans in close, winks and says, "What do you want it to be?"

Why can't warlocks get witches pregnant?

Because they have crystal balls.

I'm gonna love this thread...


Ahem...

This pirate walks into a bar and the bartender see's that he has a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants.
The bartender then asks "Buddy, what's up with the steering wheel?"
The pirate then says "Arrrrr it's drivin' me nuts!"

One more until the nyquil wears off...

So, there was this blasphemer who worked as a house painter. And he wanted to save money, so during a house painting job, he thinned the paint and did a shoddy job.

And then, God spoke and started a storm, washing the paint away and threatening to release his wrath.

So the blasphemer kneel down and prayed...

I will not thin..I will not thin...and I will repaint...I will repaint!