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Thread: Character reference letter for family court?

  1. #11
    #SimianNation mitchrock's Avatar




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    Don't write the letter!!!! Setting up yourself for heartache. However, your friend is crying out for help. When you get spam mail in your email. Choose the most annoying one and send it to him daily until he stops asking for the recommendation letter.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrm55 View Post
    And if they reconcile, you look like an idiot. Lose/Lose

    Saying something nice and honest about your friend makes you look like and idiot? If you were bashing his spouse and they get back together then you would look like an idiot.

  3. #13
    Part IV. A new begining.. empire's Avatar




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    Well, I'm old......has nothing to to do with being wise. but.

    3 points.


    1, be a man....do it....but do it right.

    2, Don't point.

    3, Write a letter of support, of stability, of friendship, of endearance, of generosity, of history, of relationships, of mutual love, of kindness, of sharing from your heart and send it to both of your friends.

  4. #14
    2nd Scoring Line Krussadams's Avatar




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    Quote Originally Posted by Ice24 View Post
    I have never been through something like this before, however, are you picking sides if you write down a few good things about your friend? If you don't say anything about the spouse are you creating a mess? This is a character letter about your friend. It doesn't seem to me that you are picking sides. If the spouse comes to you and asks for a letter and you believe she is a good person and a good parent you could do the same for her.
    I don't disagree with this at all. I'm just trying to look at it from the side of the two who are involved in the divorce...not 16scores , yours, mine or anyone else's. You and I can sit here and analyze this rationally, and say that if you're not bashing the woman, she shouldn't hold this against you. That's true. But on her end, she could be an emotional wreck, especially when we don't know the specifics of what is causing the divorce. She could very easily see this as taking sides in her state of mind, and it would be all downhill from there.

    I don't see it as picking sides, but the fact that he may use it as such (as evidenced by his asking him to send it directly to him), or that she may view it as such and thus endanger the relationship he wants to keep...I would not do it.

  5. #15
    2nd Scoring Line mrm55's Avatar




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    Quote Originally Posted by Ice24 View Post
    Saying something nice and honest about your friend makes you look like and idiot? If you were bashing his spouse and they get back together then you would look like an idiot.
    Yes to the party you didn't compliment.

    If you can't follow this concept, why not volunteer to go to court to testify for the husband? Then watch how the wife treats you.

  6. #16
    4th Line Rabble-Rouser beedee's Avatar




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    I would stay out of it.

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    1st Scoring Line RoyalSubject's Avatar




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    I've been in a similar situation. Two friends in an ugly divorce. One of them started dating a third friend. The husband made up a lie about the new boyfriend to get a restraining order and help his custody case. I happened to be present at the event in question, so the boyfriend asked me to write an affidavit about what I saw. I kept my letter focused on what transpired that night and nothing more. The husband didn't get the restraining order and eventually lost all custody. He wanted nothing to do with me after I wrote the affidavit exposing his lies. (which was fine by me at that point)

    I agonized long over whether I should get involved. My ex-wife, who was also present, resolutely refused. In the end, I couldn't in good conscience let someone get railroaded over lies when I could provide my unbiased version of the truth, but it was a no-win situation. I would have lost a friend no matter what I chose, so I chose conscience and the truth.

    Not sure if my story was helpful, but hopefully it provides some food for thought at least.
    aaron and jammer06 like this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrm55 View Post
    Yes to the party you didn't compliment.

    If you can't follow this concept, why not volunteer to go to court to testify for the husband? Then watch how the wife treats you.
    Are you testifying for the husband and against the wife or are you saying he is a good person and good father? Do you have to pick one or the other?

  9. #19
    fantastic hair. lunchbox's Avatar




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    if it were me, i probably would try not to get involved. i think as much as you focus on his positives and avoid mentioning his wife, it's still an emotional situation and won't be viewed as neutrally as it should be by her. it depends on if i felt closer to one member of the couple than the other or if they were equally friends to me.

    my husband's friend and his wife were going through some issues a few years ago and she called him up asking for a divorce attorney referral because he's an attorney himself. hubby declined to give the referral saying in the nicest way possible: "______, i can't do that, sorry." i have no idea how things are between them now, we usually only see them 1-2 times a year because we live far from each other and are both busy with our families, but they ended up staying together. whether they really enjoy each other's company or if they're just doing it for the 4 kids, i'm not sure. my husband's sister, on the other hand, is a different story. our brother-in-law has brought up divorce in arguments with her lately and when she asked for a family law attorney referral from him, he helped her, because she's his sister, obviously he would take her side.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 16scores View Post
    He said that he would like it emailed to himself. I found that odd as I always thought those letters went straight to the judge or mediator.
    I gave the affidavit I wrote directly to my friend and he took it to court (or his lawyer did). I handed him a signed copy though, not the electronic document.

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