December 11th, 2013, 07:43 PM #21
write the letter, address it to the court and send to both parties. Tell them you want nothing more do with the proceedings.
December 11th, 2013, 09:34 PM #22
Write the letter that you have known them both and feel they are both good responsible people of good moral character, etc.
He may not use it because of that, but it can never be used against her that way and they can't hold it against you.
December 11th, 2013, 10:14 PM #23
Unfortunately, if you do this, you are part of ANY proceedings. You may find yourself in court, on the witness stand being questioned by both attorneys. Lose/lose
Originally Posted by SuxBeingU
December 12th, 2013, 01:44 AM #24
This isn't a lose lose at all, and if they are friends of yours, why wouldn't you get involved? There is a lot at stake here, probably custody at the very least, if not a whole slew of other **** being thrown around. And just because you've known them for a while doesn't mean you have any clue about what is going on behind closed doors. Trust me on that.
If you feel he was a good dad and a good person, then spell it out. If someone gets upset at you for telling the truth, then oh well. Turn this around on all the people who say to not get involved, and if they need help, is everyone going to turn their back on you?
Letters don't have to be handed directly to the judge. Each party can bring their own.
The guy is obviously asking for a character reference for himself, so you don't need to mention his wife at all. If she asked you for one, you could give her one as well. But again, if you think he is a good guy and a good parent, then say so. It may save him from a very nasty situation.
And as far as what happens to your friendship with either party, if your friendship isn't strong enough to go through this, then it wasn't worth saving in the first place.
December 12th, 2013, 09:51 AM #25
I wouldn't do it. Especially since those letters rarely have any bearing at all on the judge's decision.
December 12th, 2013, 10:13 AM #26
And your experience in court with this has been what exactly?
Originally Posted by job
I've been in court, and used the letters, and the judge was very much interested in them and I truly believe they helped my case tremendously. This isn't an issue where you can sit by and not get involved if you truly believe your friend is a good guy. You have NO idea what accusations may be flying around, and to sit by and do nothing is akin to watching someone beat down your grandmother and you choose to walk away instead of get involved.
Now you may not care for him like you care for your grandmother, but you get my point.
The amount of people who are saying "do nothing" is making me a little bit queasy.
December 12th, 2013, 01:20 PM #27
Fair weather friends might as well be strangers. This is the reason I tend to keep my distance from people and trust very few of them.
Originally Posted by Sleestak
And, though it wasn't a character reference in a custody case, my friend told me that my affidavit carried a lot of weight in court in getting the restraining order tossed.
December 12th, 2013, 02:04 PM #28
Go get him a bottle of Jack and a Hooker. Proceed in getting drunk and lament about the good ole days without broads and yard apes.
December 12th, 2013, 03:41 PM #29
The THREE family members of mine who are Family Court Judges, two of whom preside in California, all of whom have told me that character references in cases like these have almost no bearing on their decision. Maybe you've been patronized before but FC Judges know that anyone can get anyone to say nice things about them, true or not. Just because you want to believe otherwise doesn't make it true.
Originally Posted by Sleestak
December 12th, 2013, 04:30 PM #30
Personally, what I'd like to think I'd do in that situation is tell the husband I'll be happy to write the letter but in the interest of fairness, and because of my friendship with both parties, I'd tell him I intend to let the wife know I'm writing the letter and will offer to write her a letter as well. Then, I'd do exactly that: inform the wife and ask her if she'd like a letter as well. Then I'd write a couple of crappy letters. Okay, not that last part, at least not intentionally.
That's not to say that's what I recommend for you. What I recommend is you just need to do whatever it is within your character to do, because no matter how you slice it, you will write from 0–2 letters and end up with from 0–2 old friends.