Here's a paraphrase of a conversation I had today

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by x-wingcamewest

I would get a referral customer call me and ask me how much it would cost to build a deck, kitchen cabinets, bookshelves, crown molding, what ever. I'd say, well, I have to look at the job, and we need to talk about materials, ect. They'd say, well, can't you just give me a ball park answer? I'd say 10 million dollars. Long pause, then they'd say, ok, I think I'll shop around. Never heard from most of them again.

---

Sheesh, I deal with that crap. I'm a graphic artist and it's my job but I also freelance on the side. I dropped my last client last year because they were idiots who didn't want to pay for work.

Last year had this client asked me for a website and asked "How much would it cost to get a 5 page website up?" I give them my usual rate of 500 for a basic website of 5 pages, 700 if you want content written, and any work that get's past 15 hours will be billed for $50 per hour with a minimum of 1 hour. They agree. a month in the project I was at the 17 hour mark, logging my hours as usual, and now about 8 pages into the project. I send them the bill for $950 bucks and they refuse to pay. While refusing to pay, they forgot, as the few clients who worked with me (or any other freelance designer) has done, to change the password on their host. 2 minutes after telling me they won't pay, i logged into their godaddy account (if they used any other source it would have taken 45 seconds...god I hate godaddy) and their website magically disappears. 3 minutes later they're asking me where their website is and I said "What website? I only publish websites that have been paid for." Then they try to threaten me with this legal BS and I promptly sent them every email I have from them highlighting maybe 10 spots where they said "Can't wait to pay you when this site is up" or something close to as well as my comments of "As a favor to you since you are a friend of a clients and they recommended me to do your work, as soon as it's done Ill put it up and you can pay me after." They eventually mailed me a check 3 days later. Never called them since.

They called me a month ago asking for a logo that they will pay me for. My standard rate on a logo = $60 for 3 samples. I send them 3 samples as I stated and two days later I get asked for 2 more and to keep it at the same price and asking to make changes to their website that would take more than 2 hours, with no charge.. Haven't sent them ****. I hope they are dumb enough to try and use any of the ones I sent so I can call a C&D on them and eat their heads.

GODDAMNIT I love idiot clients.

So I'm about to go on a business trip, its a weeklong trip 6 cities in 5 days. Corporate says since your going to be in (foreign country so I'll use and equivalent) LA on monday can you also run by XYZ company they're close. I say fine I'll try to squeeze them in, turns out XYZ is in San francisco "but its really urgent" so now I have to find a way to make it work.
Ok I'll investigate this but I'll have to make some apologies and move the schedule around to make it happen, so I ask Corporate who I should to talk to at Company XYZ, "Oh we don't know anyone there we just saw their names on our competitors import records."
WTF?

Last night was my son's second (2nd) birthday. We took the family to Islands for dinner. Two years ago, my wife went into labor while we were at Islands (Northshore tacos by the way), and a quick trip home to get the bag and off to deliver we went. Anyway, as we were seated, I told the server that it's my son's second birthday. He then asks, "How old is he," to which I respond again, "It's his second birthday." He then tried to save face but made it worse when he said, "Oh, I thought it was his second one today." True.

People get crazier by the day. Unless you work in retail, you have NO idea just how crazy.

Last week I got chewed out by a customer because I would not make him a key for a car he did not own. I would think most reasonable people would be happy that our company only cuts keys for vehicles after shown proof of ownership and not just for people that walk in saying, "But it's mine!"

I should clarify that this customer did not have a single copy of the key nor did they bring the vehicle with them.

That's hilarious! Thanks.

I have a similar conversation to the OP at least three times a week.

Caller: I need a price/quote on a such-and-such

Me: I'm sorry, but Manufacturer does not make a such-and-such

Long pause

Customer: But, my contractor/bill of material/specification is calling for one

Varying degrees of argument follow this.

Customer: "Had anything to drink recently?"
Me: (not having had anything stronger than Diet Pepsi for the previous two weeks) "Depends upon your definition of the word 'recently.' But if you like, I can call my boss and inform them that you were insinuating that I needed to be screened for the presence of alcohol in my system. They'll pull me from this plane, cancel the flight, and put you on the next airplane to your destination. Oh, you'll be on stand-by, of course. And that flight doesn't leave for five and a half hours. Now, would you care to rephrase or withdraw your question?"

Used to get po'd people all the time over that one!

I assume you work in the parts dept of an auto dealership? Here's my favorite one that was had almost hourly:

Me: good morning ma'am how can I help you?

Lady (on cell phone): ya I need windshield wipers for my car.

Me: okay and what kind of vehicle is this for?

Lady: oh I think its a _________.

Me:okay okay and what year is this vehicle?

Lady:oh its the new one. It has leather seats.

Me: ummmm.......okay....

Lady: its the red (insert name of fully loaded trim package)!

Me: okay lets see here...... ( I still have no idea of year or model let alone make, but just trying not to hit her with the mouse)..... now do you need the whole wiper blade or just the rubber insert?

Lady (looking like I just told her she was in the twilight zone)............................................

Me:okay is the vehicle here ma'am?

After walking out to get a Vin number off of car and billing her for correct parts

Lady (bending over to give me a nice view of the new hoohas her poor husband bought her): are you sure they are that much?

Keep in mind were talking about 11.00 bucks here. Women, the cheapest creatures on earth!

I own a merchant processing company, set up businesses with the ability to accept credit cards for payment.

Dumbass client: Normally sell widgets for $100 each in a retail atmosphere, total volume of about $2,500 per month. He calls me frantic

Dumbass client: "Jeffrock, I made this charge and I haven't seen the money in days and I am bouncing checks. WTF is going on? You are a thief and trying to steal my money!!!"
Me: "Take a deep breath, relax, and tell me how much is the dollar amount from that specific day."
Dumbass: "$26,485.00"
Me: (trying not to lol) "How did you do more business in one day than in the entire year?"
Dumbass: "Oh, this is actually not for sales from widgets, but from a former client of mine when I used to do consulting."
Me: (facepalming) "Did you really think anyone was going to dump 26k into your checking account without some sort of investigation first? ps you are not getting paid on that"

I've got two-

A few years ago, I only traveled by bicycle. So I carried a backpack. I walked into Wherehouse Records (obviously this dates the story) with my back pack. The cholo 17ish year old homeboy behind the counter said "hey holmes, you can't walk in here with your back pack, ese." I looked at him and said very politely "ok, I'm on my bike, can you keep it behind the counter?" He answered "orale holmes, I can't do that!" with a ****ty, condescending tone.

Right then a woman walked in with an enormous purse, the size of carry on luggage. I asked "what about her? Can she walk in with that?" He said "that's her purse, holmes!" I answered " well, this is MY purse!" He then said very loudly "***** YOU, holmes." By then I was right up at the counter, I looked at him and said "no, f you!" I then threw a right cross. The perfect punch. I totally rung his bell. The classic two hits. I hit him, he hit the floor.

Little birdies were circling his head and tweeting as he fell. I walked out, got on my bike and rode away. I never went to that record store again. I think I may have broken his jaw. It was such a perfect hit. Like a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot punch.

Also a long time ago, when my ex was hovering around bothering us while working on my vehicle, she would constantly ask if she could help. So one time we sent her down to the Auto Parts store to get us a "Flux Capacitor!" I can only imagine the look on the guys face when she asked for said item! Too damn funny!