November 29th, 2012, 10:21 AM #71
When I was born … the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father … I’m very sorry. We did everything we could … but he pulled through.
November 29th, 2012, 10:22 AM #72
My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
November 29th, 2012, 10:24 AM #73
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
November 29th, 2012, 12:23 PM #74
Atlas Shrugged was awful.
November 29th, 2012, 12:32 PM #75
Life would be much easier if everyone who gets behind the wheel of a car actually knew how to drive.
Also, people who buy giant trucks and SUVs should have to prove they can park them correctly before being allowed to drive them off the lot.
November 30th, 2012, 10:01 AM #76
Ever look at your wrist see a rubber band on it and wonder "Why the hell did I put that there?"
December 2nd, 2012, 12:54 PM #77
Wine gives me a different buzz than beer.
December 5th, 2012, 04:46 PM #78
Australia has a drinking game........ its called drinking
December 6th, 2012, 04:51 PM #79
You know, if you stab a man in the dead of winter, steam will rise up from the wounds. Indians believed it was his soul escaping from his body.
Mikita's Manager, Glen from Waynes World
December 6th, 2012, 04:52 PM #80
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Anything wrong, Davy?
Davy: Yeah, I got paid today.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah, I know what that's like.
Davy: No. You don't understand. They laid me off. I got one of these.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah, I know how that feels.
Davy: Know what I'd like to do?
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.
Davy: Actually, I was thinking of filing a grievance with the union.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Well, the world's a twisted place.