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Thread: The Stupid/Not So Stupid Joke Thread - Part II

  1. #1
    Beep Beep!! KickEm's Avatar




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    Default The Stupid/Not So Stupid Joke Thread - Part II

    Looks like the original thread got wiped out during the cleanup, so here we go:


    What to you say when you are comforting a Grammar Nazi?

    There, their, they're.

  2. #2

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    What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?

    Beer.

  3. #3
    Im dumb, I'll prove it mark1178's Avatar




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    Default The Stupid/Not So Stupid Joke Thread - Part II

    Once upon a time, I slept with your mother.
    Good night Timmy

  4. #4
    <3 Tanner <3 TooCool's Avatar




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    Here's an old one.

    A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop. "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

    A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"
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    <3 Tanner <3 TooCool's Avatar




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    A guy goes to his doctor and says,"Doc, I have a problem. My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday. I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all."

    The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out."

    The man says, "You have a deal Doc."

    Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor asks, "What happened"?

    The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"
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  6. #6
    1st Scoring Line To The King!'s Avatar




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    I was in a pub the other night. Had a few brews when I noticed two rather large women by the bar.
    They both had strong accents so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?”
    One of them chirped: “It’s WALES you friggin’ idiot!”
    So, I immediately apologized and said, “Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?”

  7. #7
    1st Scoring Line KingInTheWest's Avatar




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    Quote Originally Posted by KickEm View Post
    Looks like the original thread got wiped out during the cleanup, so here we go:


    What to you say when you are comforting a Grammar Nazi?

    There, their, they're.
    It's their, they're, there.

  8. #8
    The Dolphin Cares! orpheus's Avatar




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    After Jim finished converting to Judaism, the rabbi held out his hands over him and said three times, you are now a Jew.

    A week later, the Rabbi saw Jim on a park bench stuffing himself with a bacon cheese burger, and gasped, telling him that as a Jew he isn't allowed to eat that.

    "It's okay, Rabbi" said Jim. "Before I ate this burger, I held out my hands over it, and said three times, you are now kosher."


  9. #9

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    Gary was traveling down a quiet country road when he noticed a large group of people standing around outside a house. He stopped and asked a farmer why such a large crowd was gathered.

    The farmer replied," Billy Bob's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."

    "I see," Gary said. "Well, she must have had a lot of friends."

    "Naw," the farmer said, "we just all want to buy his mule."

  10. #10

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    A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets.

    "Who's the other ticket for?" the ticket girl asked.

    "For my pet chicken." He said, pointing to the bird.

    "I'm sorry," the girl tells him, "but we don't allow animals in the theater."

    The man walked around the corner of the building. He was wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt, so he stuffed the chicken into his pants. He returned to the ticket window and bought a ticket, entered the theater, and sat down. The chicken started to get too hot, so the man, figuring it was okay because it was dark, unzipped his pants to let the chicken stick its head out. The woman seated next to him looked down in horror. She nudged her friend Amanda and whispered, "Amanda! This man next to me just unzipped his pants!"

    Amanda replied, "Oh, don't worry about it. Just ignore him. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."

    The woman whispered back, "I know, I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!"

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