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Thread: The Stupid/Not So Stupid Joke Thread - Part II

  1. #11
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    A sexy, well-endowed redhead was in an embarrassing situation, for her arms were filled with packages and she was wearing a dress too tight to allow her to step up into the bus. A crowd pressed from behind, and so she reached back, unobserved she hoped, and pulled down the zipper at the back of her dress. It didn't seem to work, so she reached again for the zipper and additional freedom, but again it was no use.

    Then from out of the crowd, I picked her up and deposited her gently inside the bus.

    "What right have you to pick me up like that?" she gasped. "Why I don't even know you."

    "Well," I said, "after you pulled my zipper down the second time, I began to feel as though we were pretty good friends."

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    A neighbor heard the farmer to his left screaming in joy. He ran over to see the cause.

    "I did it" the farmer proclaimed. "I finally finished this jigsaw puzzle and it only took me 6 1/2 weeks!"

    "Is that good?" asked the neighbor.

    "It must be" said the farmer. "On the box it says 2-4 years."

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    Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

    A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you, get off of my cloud!", while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

  4. #14
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    What condiment is also a declaration to your sweetheart that you have to use the restroom?

  5. #15
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    Mrs. Harris asks her students to come up with a sentence using the word "fascinate." Sally says, "Disneyland is fascinating."

    "No," the teacher said. "I said fascinate."

    Mary then tries by saying, "There is so much fascination with people when it comes to wild life."

    Again, Mrs. Harris says, "No. The word is fascinate."

    Billy then yells out, "My mom's boobs are so big she can only fasten eight of the ten buttons on her blouse!"

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    Why is Dolly Parton's waist so small?

    Nothing grows in the shade!

  7. #17
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    John: I like salmon, baked or fried.

    Bill: What do you like, sober?

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    It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"

    The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"

    Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied - "Sir, Yes Sir!"

    The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

    The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"

    The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."

    The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"

    The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."

    The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"

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    what's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

    you can unscrew a light bulb.



    (credit - My Blue Heaven)

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    A redhead rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.

    "Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"

    The clerk turned, looked her up and down for a second, smiled and said, "Not bad."

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