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Thread: The Stupid/Not So Stupid Joke Thread - Part II

  1. #181
    FIRE BETTMAN!!
    BeerMan's Avatar
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    I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.
    I BELIEVE I'll have another beer!

  2. #182
    Regina...rhymes with fun
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  3. #183
    <3 Tanner <3
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    Quote Originally Posted by RockPile View Post
    A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
    "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.........

    "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Whoza talkin' about sexa? I'ma just tellin my frienda how to spella Missisippi.
    Trying to make sense of that English is hard. lol
    Facebook: facebook.com/grtoocool Twitter: @LGKTooCool

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  4. #184
    Regina...rhymes with fun
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    Quote Originally Posted by TooCool View Post
    Trying to make sense of that English is hard. lol

  5. #185
    Team LGK
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    An old priest was dying.
    He sent a message for an IRS agent and his Lawyer to come to the Rectory.
    When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.
    As they entered the room, the priest held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

    The priest grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

    Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old priest would ask them to be with him during his final moment.
    They were also puzzled because the priest had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

    Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Father, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

    The old guy mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."
    "Like the wind crying endlessly through the universe, Time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we are, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment." Harlan Ellison

  6. #186
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    A Greek and an Italian were chatting one day debating who had the superior culture.

    The Greek Said, "We have Olympus"
    The Italian Said, "We have the Coliseum"

    The Greek Said, "We gave the world Plato and Aristotle"
    The Italian Said, "We gave them Cato and Marcus Aurelius"

    The Greek Said, "We had Alexander the Great"
    The Italian Said, "We had Caesar and the Roman Empire"

    And so the debate went on and on until finally they agreed on something:

    The Greek Said, "We invented sex"
    The Italian Said, " That is true, But it was the Italians who introduced it to women"
    "Like the wind crying endlessly through the universe, Time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we are, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment." Harlan Ellison

  7. #187
    Your favorite Mistake!
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    3 reform Judaism rabbis were arguing about whose temple was the most progressive. The first one said, "In my temple, we have ashtrays by the seats since we allow members to smoke in the temple."

    "Oh, yeah?" The third rabbi said. 'In our temple we serve snacks which happen to be ham sandwiches!"

    "That's nothing! The third rabbi said. "In my temple, when Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur arrive, we place a sign outside the temple letting our members know: We're close for the holidays!"


    That's pretty reformed all right, haha.

  8. #188
    Regina...rhymes with fun
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  9. #189
    Registered Redophile
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    How many Ducks fans does it take to change a light bulb???

    None...

    They cry till their mommy does it for them...

  10. #190
    \_(ツ)_/
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    I have a step ladder.

    I never knew my real ladder.

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