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  1. #261
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    Kaos's Avatar
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    An American tourist was visiting Australia when he was involved in an accident. The next day he woke up in the hospital and asked “Did you bring me here to die?”

    The orderly replied “No mate. We brought you in yesterday”.

  2. #262
    Triple Crown Line
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    I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
    I don't like to interrupt her.

  3. #263
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    King Ludwig's Avatar
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    Give Ducks fans a Ouija board for Halloween...so they can get in closer contact with their brain...

  4. #264
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    My worst job was as a MC at a karaoke bar... For someone who believes that karaoke is the Japanese word meaning "tone deaf"...it didn't help the stereotype I gave it...but it was much worse than even I ever imagined... These are some of my highlight zingers after hearing those particular performances... I'm also surprised that I'm still in one piece after those on mic reviews...

    SWEET HOME ALABAMA - I just got a call from Alabama's governor... He's proposing legislation to change the state's name after hearing this performance...

    GOD BLESSED TEXAS - That sounded like it was sung by a demon from Hell...

    MY OLD KENTUCKY HOME - After hearing this...I fear they just condemned it...

    GOD BLESS THE USA - That's it... I'm moving to Scotland... At least the bagpipes can drown this garbage out...

    CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' - Freddy Krueger sends his condolences...

    I LOVE LA - You sang that like you were trying to get a bad taste out of your mouth... Do you live in Anaheim by any chance???

    NEW YORK NEW YORK - The Indians made an offer to buy it back...but only if you stop singing...

    TAKE MY HAND PRECIOUS LORD - He's got both hands over his ears and you want him to take your hand???

    ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? - You're going to be lonely for the next 50 years after singing that...

    DON'T BE CRUEL - There's got to be an 8th Amendment violation for inflicting this upon the public...

  5. #265
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    What's straight and never seen again???

    A Polish boomerang...

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