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Thread: The Stupid/Not So Stupid Joke Thread - Part II

  1. #301
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    Ice24's Avatar
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    Sometimes, Even After All These Years, I
    Wake Up And Look Over At My Wife
    Sleeping Peacefully Beside Me And Think,

    "MAN IS SHE LUCKY".

  2. #302
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    "Today, I learned the difference between peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool"

  3. #303
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    King Ludwig's Avatar
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    If you were a used car dealer and saw Columbo pull up with his POS car...how much would you bribe him to park it on a competitor's lot???

  4. #304
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    A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

    Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

    I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

    But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

    Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

    In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

    Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

    Love, your son, Joshua.

    P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report card that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!
    "Like the wind crying endlessly through the universe, Time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we are, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment." Harlan Ellison

  5. #305
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    This was among my operatic short courses that I've done over the years...

    I Pagliacci

    The prologue basically states that "all the events in this opera are real... The names have been changed to protect the innocent.."

    A clown troupe comes into town...and immediately the head clown gives everyone a headache beating a damn drum... He gives them information on the play for tonight and later states that he'll kill anyone messing around with his wife...

    Another clown from the troupe tries to mess with his wife...and she slaps him sillier than he already is... Later when he catches her with one of the townspeople...he tells the head clown who is not only putting on makeup...but obviously cutting onions for the meal because he's crying like mad...

    The play comes in and they're almost on track until the head clown hears a line that sets him off BIG TIME... It ends up with him killing his wife and her lover...

    The suspect (I. Pagliacci) has been found guilty of two counts of first degree murder and is now serving his sentence in a padded clown car...

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