The Stupid/Not So Stupid Joke Thread - Part II

[BeerMan]

[King Ludwig]

One of my favorite romantic songs written by one Gerald Wiley...

It Don't Mean That I Don't Love You

Now just listen to me, darling
What I say to you is true
If you really want to leave me
That's entirely up to you
But believe me when I tell you
I am really not to blame
All your silly fears are groundless
I still love you just the same.

CHORUS
It don't mean that I don't love you
Just because we never speak
And I never give you presents -
Take you swimming in the creek;
Just because I hate your cooking
Oh, please don't get in a stew -
Just because I'm not your grandma,
Doesn't mean that I don't love you.

It don't mean that I don't love you
When I punch you in the nose
And go out with other women
Never buy you any clothes.
How can we remain together
With so many ifs and buts?
It don't mean that I don't love you-
But my wife - she hates your guts.

[King Ludwig]

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"

Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $200!"

[King Ludwig]

Three prisoners, a Dallas Stars fan, a LA Kings fan, and a Ducks fan, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad.

They bring out the Stars fan and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the Stars fan runs away.

Next, they place the Kings fan in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the Kings fan escapes.

Next up is the Ducks fan. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

[JWR]

The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
A son asked his mother the following question:

' Mom, why are wedding dresses white? ' The mother looks at her son and replies:

' Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

' Dad why are wedding dresses white? '
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

(He'll be out of intensive care shortly)

[King Ludwig]

Remember the IRS this Mother's Day and send them a card to show them that you care...

[King Ludwig]

Don't make me break out this stinko de Mayo joke again...

http://letsgokings.com/showthread.ph...=1#post3239492

[King Ludwig]

Alex Faust and Jim Fox are bungee-jumping one day.

Faust says to Fox. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

Fox thinks this is a great idea, so they two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

Faust jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Fox notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Fox isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, Fox misses him.

Faust falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, Fox finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

Faust says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"

[King Ludwig]

Cinco de Mayo celebrates the Mexicans defeating the French... Everybody else calls it Saturday...

[JWR]