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rinkrat
October 27th, 2012, 04:11 PM
If you can wear a pair of light-colored pants and not **** them up the first day, then you are a far better man than I. -- Rinkrat

LOSTcauseZERO
October 27th, 2012, 04:28 PM
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed; Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.

mrm55
October 27th, 2012, 04:55 PM
You can never win a fight with your wife.

orpheus
October 27th, 2012, 05:17 PM
My thoughts are so random that I haven't collected them yet.

rinkrat
October 27th, 2012, 05:23 PM
My thoughts are so random that I haven't collected them yet.

Then you might be the moderator of this thread. ;)

King Ludwig
October 27th, 2012, 06:01 PM
It would have taken less time and been much cheaper to blow up my house and rebuild from scratch rather than fix up that money pit I bought two years ago...

At latest report...I can probably move in around the 11th...

empire
October 27th, 2012, 08:15 PM
If I could put a bunch of Fear in a Bet we would be watching the banner raising.

Rawley19
October 27th, 2012, 11:15 PM
You could have a ghost in your lap right now while you read this.

Rawley19
October 28th, 2012, 01:25 PM
Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side?

Kaos
October 28th, 2012, 01:32 PM
I went on a guilt trip and they lost my luggage.

Bogey
October 28th, 2012, 07:55 PM
You could have a ghost in your lap right now while you read this.

I think this may be true...

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/320483_485165338183078_2109878356_n.jpg

pug
October 29th, 2012, 09:53 AM
Sandy is a bitch.

jammer06
October 29th, 2012, 10:12 AM
I asked my son what kind of jack o latern he wanted to carve and he said
"5 eyes, 3 noses and a mouth"

How the hell do you carve 3 noses?

santiclaws
October 30th, 2012, 11:18 AM
How the hell do you carve 3 noses?
Start with one, and then carve two more.

jammer06
October 30th, 2012, 11:31 AM
Start with one, and then carve two more.

I did, now it looks like the Triforce....

geogirl
October 30th, 2012, 11:54 AM
Going to work would be easier if I stayed in bed for a living.

Rawley19
October 30th, 2012, 04:16 PM
Going to work would be easier if I stayed in bed for a living.
Too...many...jokes!!!

rinkrat
October 30th, 2012, 06:46 PM
I just realized that I don't need glasses to see in 3-D.

geogirl
October 30th, 2012, 08:00 PM
Too...many...jokes!!!

Bring it!

KingThomas
October 30th, 2012, 08:07 PM
Your nose runs and your feet smell?!?

Rawley19
October 30th, 2012, 08:40 PM
Bring it!

Is that your own bed?
Are sheets extra?
Do you offer a LGK discount?
A group discount?
Do you have a punch card for repeat customers?
Are walk-ins welcome?
Does the dog have to watch?
More upon requests!!!(that's what she said)!!!!!!

Rawley19
November 1st, 2012, 11:28 PM
Someone told me the other day that pain is just weakness leaving the body. I should be able to lift a 747 with all the pain I have!!!

King Ludwig
November 2nd, 2012, 02:53 AM
They say that Susanna's a funny old man...

With a name like that...I wouldn't be the least bit surprised...

TMAC
November 2nd, 2012, 09:45 AM
IF you shoot a MIME should you use a sliencer?

TMAC
November 2nd, 2012, 09:46 AM
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for his I.D. he took out a quarter?

TMAC
November 2nd, 2012, 09:56 AM
Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill

xLAxKingsx
November 2nd, 2012, 10:06 AM
poor bastard from suicide silence love the band but read he drank and drove his bike into a pole. Now i dont feel bad he choose to ****ing gamble his life? was it worth it dood?!

C. Marshall
November 2nd, 2012, 10:17 AM
Why is the only joy I know, a dish washing liquid?

orpheus
November 2nd, 2012, 02:04 PM
What's up, peeps?

Oh, yeah, the sky.

TMAC
November 2nd, 2012, 02:34 PM
In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.

jammer06
November 4th, 2012, 12:03 AM
Had the opportunity today to hang out on ATT field where the giants play. My son wanted to play in the sand near second base while I laid down in the grass with our 4 month old and let her have some tummy time on the grass. Seems Norcal people can't let this go by without "whoa didn't see the baby" or "look out for the baby" comments even though I'm laying within 6 inches of the baby on the grass amd they are 10 feet away.

Random thought, does a Norcal idiot really think I'm not going to ****ing munch the **** out of them if they attempt to step on my baby while I'm laying with her in the middle of Giants stadium?

geogirl
November 5th, 2012, 10:00 AM
There is no spoon.

FishMonger
November 5th, 2012, 11:01 AM
The cake is a lie

makemelaugh
November 5th, 2012, 02:11 PM
The cake is a lie

A few years ago, my daughter asked me to write "LIE" on her birthday cake. It was a big hit at her party, especially when I hid it for awhile when no one was looking.
"Where did the cake go?"
"There is no cake."
"Oh, I get it. That's cool. Do we still get to eat it?"
"Eat what?"
"Um, nevermind."

TMAC
November 5th, 2012, 03:47 PM
spooning leads to forking

JETS GARAGE
November 6th, 2012, 11:51 AM
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Rawley19
November 7th, 2012, 12:38 PM
Are lepers allowed to play the Hokey Pokey?

TMAC
November 7th, 2012, 04:17 PM
Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they're telling me that I'm doing a great job driving.

TMAC
November 7th, 2012, 04:18 PM
Marriage is a three ring circus
... engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering ...

TMAC
November 7th, 2012, 04:32 PM
A man came to the door and asked if i would donate to the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

daxx
November 7th, 2012, 04:35 PM
I really hate disco music.

kluka68
November 7th, 2012, 05:45 PM
God, i miss hockey.....

TMAC
November 8th, 2012, 01:16 PM
Where ever you go................ There you are

TMAC
November 8th, 2012, 01:18 PM
"Disclosure Notice: The above listed post is that of a disgruntled hockey fan on the internet and in no way should be taken as truth or any substance. It does not reflect the views of the host website or its sponsors. If you are offended, please take a moment to reflect on what was written, and then ask yourself whether or not there should have been a “/sarcasm” next to the statement. If you feel the poster took the comment too far, write a letter to Santa. Maybe that will help.
Now go away."


Now there is a great randon quote!!!! Nice work daxx!!!!!!

Luc SkyBomba
November 8th, 2012, 05:43 PM
balls

Dana
November 8th, 2012, 05:44 PM
If you're a doctor's office, and the only reason a patient is coming in is to get some results of tests done a week ago and you don't have their results, shouldn't you be courteous enough to cancel their appointment before they get there if you won't have the results at appointment time?

UnholyGoalie
November 8th, 2012, 07:55 PM
My balls cause me more pain and suffering than pleasure.

UnholyGoalie
November 8th, 2012, 07:57 PM
Job hunting feels eerily similar to emailing a thousand copies of your resume to a black hole.

KingThomas
November 8th, 2012, 08:50 PM
National water pipeline grid!!!!

ICHockeyPeeps
November 9th, 2012, 06:22 AM
Good from far, far from good.

TMAC
November 9th, 2012, 09:45 AM
How far east can you go before you're heading west?

TMAC
November 9th, 2012, 09:46 AM
Babys dont need a vacation but I see them at the beach anyways

TMAC
November 9th, 2012, 09:47 AM
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

TMAC
November 9th, 2012, 09:48 AM
Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says "Not available in all states"?

TMAC
November 9th, 2012, 09:49 AM
If you're addicted to smoked cheese, can you get cheese patches???

Noble Savage
November 9th, 2012, 09:53 AM
When I'm on hold for the Oregon DMV and the hold music is 'The Cars - Going Round and Round' Did they do that on purpose? (this just happened)

FishMonger
November 9th, 2012, 10:16 AM
My balls cause me more pain and suffering than pleasure.

You're clearly doing something wrong.

orpheus
November 9th, 2012, 10:17 AM
Peanuts are neither peas or nuts.

FishMonger
November 9th, 2012, 10:51 AM
I care far less about what someone believes than I do about them having a good reason for believing it.

TMAC
November 9th, 2012, 11:04 AM
My balls cause me more pain and suffering than pleasure.

A Penicillin shot will clear that up.

Kaos
November 9th, 2012, 11:05 AM
If bread always lands butter side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens when you strap a piece of bread to the back of a cat?

UnholyGoalie
November 9th, 2012, 07:12 PM
How do you know when a stinky cheese had gone bad? Does it start to smell great?

LOSTcauseZERO
November 11th, 2012, 12:25 AM
Live is evil spelled backwards.

TMAC
November 13th, 2012, 10:46 AM
Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste.

daxx
November 13th, 2012, 05:03 PM
daddy needs a cocktail

TMAC
November 16th, 2012, 10:25 AM
Karma.............. Its whats for dinner

KingThomas
November 16th, 2012, 11:27 AM
Blessed are the cheese makers. Of course, not to be taken literally. All manufacturers of dairy products are equally blessed.

LOSTcauseZERO
November 16th, 2012, 03:01 PM
With every mistake we must surely be learning.

LOSTcauseZERO
November 22nd, 2012, 04:08 AM
It's Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for an exciting 2012-2013 NHL season...oh, wait, that's not happening.

LOSTcauseZERO
November 22nd, 2012, 10:36 PM
I recently read about the evils of alcohol; it has been difficult, but I'm slowly learning not to read.

TMAC
November 29th, 2012, 10:21 AM
When I was born … the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father … I’m very sorry. We did everything we could … but he pulled through.
Rodney Dangerfield

TMAC
November 29th, 2012, 10:22 AM
My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett

TMAC
November 29th, 2012, 10:24 AM
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

KingThomas
November 29th, 2012, 12:23 PM
Atlas Shrugged was awful.

makemelaugh
November 29th, 2012, 12:32 PM
Life would be much easier if everyone who gets behind the wheel of a car actually knew how to drive.
Also, people who buy giant trucks and SUVs should have to prove they can park them correctly before being allowed to drive them off the lot.

jammer06
November 30th, 2012, 10:01 AM
Ever look at your wrist see a rubber band on it and wonder "Why the hell did I put that there?"

UnholyGoalie
December 2nd, 2012, 12:54 PM
Wine gives me a different buzz than beer.

TMAC
December 5th, 2012, 04:46 PM
Australia has a drinking game........ its called drinking

TMAC
December 6th, 2012, 04:51 PM
You know, if you stab a man in the dead of winter, steam will rise up from the wounds. Indians believed it was his soul escaping from his body.

Mikita's Manager, Glen from Waynes World

TMAC
December 6th, 2012, 04:52 PM
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Anything wrong, Davy?
Davy: Yeah, I got paid today.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah, I know what that's like.
Davy: No. You don't understand. They laid me off. I got one of these.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah, I know how that feels.
Davy: Know what I'd like to do?
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.
Davy: Actually, I was thinking of filing a grievance with the union.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Well, the world's a twisted place.

FishMonger
December 6th, 2012, 05:05 PM
I care far less about what people chose to believe than I care about them having a good reason for it.

MotherPuck
December 6th, 2012, 09:59 PM
It's never too early for a hotdog.

mrm55
December 7th, 2012, 08:31 AM
I'm going to quit drinking...tomorrow.

TMAC
December 7th, 2012, 09:09 AM
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

TMAC
December 7th, 2012, 09:10 AM
Don't bother trying to join the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. It turns out they're apparently against all three.

TMAC
December 7th, 2012, 09:11 AM
Being half drunk is just another way of saying -your almost there

TMAC
December 7th, 2012, 09:11 AM
Always remember: "I" before "E," except in Budweiser

TMAC
December 11th, 2012, 03:29 PM
I didn't live in the world of disco or the world of the Eagles.
George Thorogood

KingThomas
December 11th, 2012, 04:20 PM
Inline UV filters for ponds and aquariums work great for keeping hydroponic nutrient reservoirs free from bacteria and algae.

TMAC
December 11th, 2012, 04:44 PM
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold.

TMAC
December 11th, 2012, 04:46 PM
Bluto: See if you can guess what I am now.
[puts a scoop of mashed potatoes in his mouth and hits his cheeks with his fists and spits it out]
Bluto: I'm a zit. Get it?

DMAN3474
December 11th, 2012, 05:05 PM
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, who cares if it makes a sound?

King Ludwig
December 15th, 2012, 08:10 AM
If you happen by the Charleston/Hualapai Smith's...give a LET'S GO KINGS yell to THE Salvation Army ding-a-ling there (but not this coming Monday)... Chances are strong that ringer is an LGKer...

ChilledAgua
December 16th, 2012, 07:49 PM
When I was born ? the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ? I?m very sorry. We did everything we could ? but he pulled through.
Rodney Dangerfield

I believe he was also responsible for this related gem: "After I was born, the doctor took a look at me and slapped my mother."

Bogey
December 19th, 2012, 08:03 AM
I'm not dead yet.

King Ludwig
December 26th, 2012, 05:15 AM
I'm the top ding-a-ling for my Salvation Army corps (by over $4K)... There were a couple of large checks...but it didn't put too big of a dent in the lead I had on that second ringer (who had a six day schedule compared to my five)... Thanks to the Kings fans that made it to the kettle this year as well...and I wouldn't be the LEAST bit surprised if it was LGKers that actually put me so far over the top...

orpheus
December 26th, 2012, 07:22 PM
A nod is as good as a non alcoholic beer is to a drunken dolphin.

Hipcheck
December 26th, 2012, 10:47 PM
Have you ever wondered whether or not the best is yet to come or whether it's all downhill from here?

And on a somewhat humorous note.....

I just finished watching "Mankind-the Story of Us" on TV and the two things that went through my mind was A)I cant wait to see how it ends and B)I wonder if there is a sequel in the works.

orpheus
December 27th, 2012, 10:47 PM
Nothing is worth fighting for unless you can make love to it, eat it, or put it in your pocket.

Shackleford
December 29th, 2012, 02:46 PM
Fight for Pacifism !

x-wingcamewest
December 29th, 2012, 05:06 PM
Bombs for peace.

mrm55
December 29th, 2012, 05:44 PM
America: love it or leave it

Shackleford
December 29th, 2012, 10:33 PM
Draft Beer , not people!

x-wingcamewest
December 30th, 2012, 06:42 AM
Nuke em' all. Let God sort it out.

x-wingcamewest
December 31st, 2012, 07:05 AM
A Kardashian whore being pregnant is the lead story on the news this morning.

We are indeed, doomed as a species.

orpheus
December 31st, 2012, 09:51 PM
Humans will and should be doomed soon enough.

You will have to welcome and kneel to your new dolphin overlords!

ChilledAgua
January 6th, 2013, 07:46 PM
I feel like a hundred dollars.

FishMonger
January 8th, 2013, 12:27 PM
My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

Dana
January 9th, 2013, 01:52 PM
Why in the hell would an insurance company make their customer service voice activated, especially when people are trying to call about a claim? Is it too much to ask that if you want someone to give them some sort of data, have it be data that can be accessed by pushing keys?

I seriously just had this "conversation" with the automated system. I had tried 3 or 4 other times and they couldn't understand the date or find the claim.

Customer Service Robot:State the first date of the claim.
Me: December 12
CSR: What was the amount of the claim?
Me: says the dollar amount.
CSR: I'm sorry, I can't find a claim on May 3 for that amount (Yes, they seriously turned December into May).
CSR: Repeats menu options

:hairout: :hairout: :hairout: :hairout: :hairout:

:frusty: :frusty: :frusty: :frusty: :frusty:

mrm55
January 9th, 2013, 03:09 PM
Why in the hell would an insurance company make their customer service voice activated, especially when people are trying to call about a claim? Is it too much to ask that if you want someone to give them some sort of data, have it be data that can be accessed by pushing keys?

I seriously just had this "conversation" with the automated system. I had tried 3 or 4 other times and they couldn't understand the date or find the claim.

Customer Service Robot:State the first date of the claim.
Me: December 12
CSR: What was the amount of the claim?
Me: says the dollar amount.
CSR: I'm sorry, I can't find a claim on May 3 for that amount (Yes, they seriously turned December into May).
CSR: Repeats menu options

:hairout: :hairout: :hairout: :hairout: :hairout:

:frusty: :frusty: :frusty: :frusty: :frusty:

Nowadays I fail to find much difference between a live CS rep and a robot. Actually the live ones infuriate me more, by putting me on hold longer while they take forever to look something up.

LOSTcauseZERO
January 9th, 2013, 10:11 PM
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was handsome, I would have exactly 1 dollar. Thanks mom.

orpheus
January 9th, 2013, 10:53 PM
When pleasure is ubiquitous, what will we desire?

Hipcheck
January 10th, 2013, 12:59 PM
We all tend to look back at earlier times in our lives and think how "simple" it was. But was it really? Is it that it was a better/simpler time or merely choosing to have positive memories of past events?

x-wingcamewest
January 10th, 2013, 10:15 PM
Old age and treachery will over come youth and skill, every time.

Rawley19
January 10th, 2013, 10:40 PM
Growing up I always feared that the Africanized Killer Bees from South America were going to one day make it to America and wipe us out. They made it to America and nothing. My flamethower was now worthless. Then the fire ant was on the march and we were going to all be overrun. They made it to America and nothing. My flamethrower was still useless. Then there was the threat of the bird flu and we were all going to be infected. Flamethrower was primed and ready to BBQ bird, silenced by more over hype. The Kardashians are breeding and looking to continue to spread across America. Where the hell is that flamethrower?

Rawley19
January 12th, 2013, 12:41 AM
How is it that as a kid I never had one friend who was allergic to peanut butter, glutten or any other product with lactose, and now when my daughters have a sleep over I am given a list of foods their friends need to avoid or they will go into anaphylactic shock and need a giant needle plunged into their hearts.

orpheus
January 12th, 2013, 01:58 AM
Are you planning to find a cure and save the world or just planning to fall in love and ****? Plans are pointless.

x-wingcamewest
January 12th, 2013, 11:26 AM
How is it that as a kid I never had one friend who was allergic to peanut butter, glutton or any other product with lactose, and now when my daughters have a sleep over I am given a list of foods their friends need to avoid or they will go into anaphylactic shock and need a giant needle plunged into their hearts.

yeah, we climbed trees, had snow ball fights, pea shooter and water balloon wars, rode bikes and skated with out helmets, there were winners and losers in little league sports, were gone all day during the summer with no cell phone, played lawn darts,. Damn, it is a wonder any of us survived.

Rawley19
January 12th, 2013, 01:12 PM
yeah, we climbed trees, had snow ball fights, pea shooter and water balloon wars, rode bikes and skated with out helmets, there were winners and losers in little league sports, were gone all day during the summer with no cell phone, played lawn darts,. Damn, it is a wonder any of us survived.

I actively looked for good climbing trees as a kid, ( and as an adult I can still admire a great climbing tree) and I was a frikken monkey when it came to getting around in that tree. I have 5 nephews and 1 niece and I can honestly say that not one of them has ever climbed a tree or even thought of doing it. And do not get me started on participation trophies for youth sports.

Dr. Naysay
January 12th, 2013, 01:33 PM
I have 5 nephews and 1 niece and I can honestly say that not one of them has ever climbed a tree or even thought of doing it.

There's an app for that.

orpheus
January 16th, 2013, 04:39 AM
Only a poor boob pays his money, loses his watch, gets the syph, and brags that he's had a good time.

Damien C
January 16th, 2013, 07:21 AM
If one is good, two is better

Rawley19
January 16th, 2013, 11:00 PM
If you stare at the sun while playing with yourself and eating carrots will you still go blind?

Defgarden
January 16th, 2013, 11:12 PM
Finish every vegetable and pea on your plate

jammer06
January 17th, 2013, 01:13 PM
Is having a fully charged phone a teenagers version of their fathers full tank of gas?

x-wingcamewest
January 17th, 2013, 03:42 PM
If you stare at the sun while playing with yourself and eating carrots will you still go blind?

I quite when I needed glasses

mrm55
January 17th, 2013, 04:29 PM
If you stare at the sun while playing with yourself and eating carrots will you still go blind?

.. .
. . .
.. . .

Rawley19
January 17th, 2013, 11:12 PM
Growing up I was in a diehard Dodgers family. How diehard you may ask? We were not allowed to celebrate Halloween because the colors associated with the holiday are black and orange. In other words, SF Giants colors.

Bogey
February 24th, 2013, 08:34 AM
Just once, I'd like to hear an NHL player say "organ-uh-zation".

mark1178
February 25th, 2013, 11:21 AM
I wonder if Caboose is just playing dumb.

mark1178
February 27th, 2013, 10:52 PM
Am I an ahole when I'm pooping in a public toilet and there's another guy in the stall, I don't get out until that guy gets out because I know most people don't want to let you know that they dookie.

Bogey
March 5th, 2013, 02:13 PM
I'm like one of those camouflage, ground-trap spiders, except the victim doesn't know when he's been caught.

Lordmasterdeath
March 8th, 2013, 02:20 PM
Today I just don't give a ****!!

x-wingcamewest
March 8th, 2013, 04:58 PM
Today I just don't give a ****!!

Most days I just don't give a ****.

mrm55
March 8th, 2013, 05:43 PM
In England a girl is called a 'bird', like we call girls chicks. I guess that's where this saying originated: "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

Personally, I prefer two in the bush.

kluka68
March 9th, 2013, 11:22 AM
If you cut woman's wings, she will start flying on the broom.

kluka68
March 10th, 2013, 09:17 PM
There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had just enough.

mrm55
March 11th, 2013, 04:17 PM
If you can read this, thank a Teacher........If you are reading it in English, thank a VET.

Lordmasterdeath
March 19th, 2013, 11:54 AM
Random Happenings: At work today Frank Sinatra was playing loudly at someones desk. My female co worker starts singing the songs loudly. I got an idea that she should start singing Megadeth out loud to the background of lounge music. I printed out the lyrics to 'Hangar 18' and gave them to her. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard when she sang "suspended state of Cryogenics." God damn.....

Phos Chek
April 3rd, 2013, 07:03 PM
Top 10 Shouters (Lifetime)

http://letsgokings.com/bbs/images/crown.gifnotbob (http://letsgokings.com/member.php?u=7901): 6275
http://letsgokings.com/bbs/images/crown.gifgeogirl (http://letsgokings.com/member.php?u=14232): 5900
http://letsgokings.com/bbs/images/crown.gifCross Traffic (http://letsgokings.com/member.php?u=2761): 5685
TooCool (http://letsgokings.com/member.php?u=3543): 4690
orpheus (http://letsgokings.com/member.php?u=555): 4622
http://letsgokings.com/bbs/images/crown.gifDexter (http://letsgokings.com/member.php?u=306): 2810
http://letsgokings.com/bbs/images/crown.gifx-wingcamewest (http://letsgokings.com/member.php?u=2977):2634
Phos Chek (http://letsgokings.com/member.php?u=6922): 2584
http://letsgokings.com/bbs/images/crown.gifBeerMan (http://letsgokings.com/member.php?u=250): 2518
rinkrat (http://letsgokings.com/member.php?u=1): 2196

Bogey
April 19th, 2013, 07:40 AM
Random fact: The Holiday Inn hotel chain was named after the 1942 Bing Crosby/Fred Astaire movie of the same name.

mark1178
May 5th, 2013, 10:42 AM
**** brookstone for not letting me have this massage chair for free

King Ludwig
May 14th, 2013, 01:28 PM
You know it's bad when you have to use an air horn for more than ten seconds before the telemarketer/scam artist hangs up...

mark1178
May 15th, 2013, 04:09 PM
Did you know that the original name for the main character of Metal Gear was "Boner"?

Diehard
May 15th, 2013, 04:22 PM
Man who keep hand in pocket
Feel cocky all day

ChilledAgua
June 10th, 2013, 01:14 PM
Did I leave the iron on?

mrm55
June 10th, 2013, 01:54 PM
Did I close the garage door?

Kaos
June 14th, 2013, 08:40 PM
Ralph Macchio is now the same age that Pat Morita was in the first "Karate Kid."

KingThomas
June 24th, 2013, 12:38 AM
Who has been putting their Kools out on my floor? Haven't you people ever heard of a coaster?

nocturn
June 25th, 2013, 05:30 AM
"After 22 years of marriage, I've finally figured out that the sole reason for my existence is to keep my Blonde Wife and Blonde Daughter from accidently killing me, killing each other or destroying the planet."

-nocturn to his bro after walking in to a house filled with Natural Gas, an uncooked pot of spaghetti on the Natural gas stove and the wife saying ?I think the cat farted?!? :facepalm:

To the rest of the Planet Earth and the Human Race in general, you?re welcome...

mark1178
June 26th, 2013, 09:58 PM
****!

kluka68
June 27th, 2013, 12:06 AM
My boss is an idiot.

alexisyque
June 27th, 2013, 01:56 PM
My cup from El Pollo Loco says they cook 147 chickens at their store daily.
With 450 stores, thats 66,150 per day.
24,144,750 a year.
EW.

Birdman
June 27th, 2013, 02:02 PM
My cup from El Pollo Loco says they cook 147 chickens at their store daily.
With 450 stores, thats 66,150 per day.
24,144,750 a year.
EW.

They're smaller than cows, but pertaining to McDonalds, 500,000 pounds of beef is processed per day, per plant, 6 plants. If an average beef cow weighs 1,150 pounds, that means 2609 cows a day are turned into McDonalds burgers. That’s 952,285 cows per year. And that’s just in the United States.

alexisyque
June 27th, 2013, 02:24 PM
They're smaller than cows, but pertaining to McDonalds, 500,000 pounds of beef is processed per day, per plant, 6 plants. If an average beef cow weighs 1,150 pounds, that means 2609 cows a day are turned into McDonalds burgers. That’s 952,285 cows per year. And that’s just in the United States.

Double EW. This is why I don't eat meat

ucsdguy1
June 27th, 2013, 02:28 PM
Snickers is way better than 100 Grand.

orpheus
June 27th, 2013, 02:57 PM
I don't want to know how many dolphins are processed by tuna companies per year. :O

FishMonger
June 27th, 2013, 03:56 PM
If it were up to the Japanese, it would be ALL OF THEM.

http://www.ecorazzi.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/japan.jpg

mark1178
June 27th, 2013, 06:54 PM
You know, as I lay here in my bubble bath, I've come to realize that if I get twice as fat as I am now, I could probably boob screw myself.

Bogey
June 27th, 2013, 07:40 PM
My cup from El Pollo Loco says they cook 147 chickens at their store daily.
With 450 stores, thats 66,150 per day.
24,144,750 a year.
EW.

Eat all you want
They'll make more

jammer06
June 28th, 2013, 08:14 AM
Best way to summarize woman
On Facebook today my wife's friend uploaded 2 books she's read
Shel Siliversteins "where the sidewalk ends"
and
50 shades of gray

KickEm
June 28th, 2013, 08:49 AM
You know, as I lay here in my bubble bath, I've come to realize that if I get twice as fat as I am now, I could probably boob screw myself.

That, and you would save on hot water for your bath.

orpheus
June 28th, 2013, 03:30 PM
Seeing a kid drop his or her ice cream cone is one of the saddest things to witness.

mark1178
June 28th, 2013, 04:43 PM
A haiku for the day


Have to work overtime Sat
i have to decide
sans pantalones or pants

King Ludwig
June 28th, 2013, 05:40 PM
Seeing a kid drop his or her ice cream cone is one of the saddest things to witness.

If they're wearing a Sharks/Canucks/Coyotes/Ucks jersey...they had it coming to them...

orpheus
June 28th, 2013, 07:01 PM
If they're wearing a Sharks/Canucks/Coyotes/Ucks jersey...they had it coming to them...

That's true! :grin:

mark1178
July 2nd, 2013, 05:51 PM
​potatonaaaaaa! Ba ba ba ba ba bana

alexisyque
July 3rd, 2013, 06:30 PM
Taking a selfie is the most narcissistic/stressful thing. You want to look cool, but not too cool. In reality you actually prepped to take the photo but would die if anyone found out

mark1178
July 3rd, 2013, 09:19 PM
Taking a selfie is the most narcissistic/stressful thing. You want to look cool, but not too cool. In reality you actually prepped to take the photo but would die if anyone found out

Your selfie is upside down...


wonder if that's what's causing my blindness

Butch 19
July 4th, 2013, 12:55 PM
I was bike riding this am on the Santa Ana River trail, and I stopped for a break near Chapman next to these condos. A woman on the 3rd floor was opening her window and trying to attach an American flag to the railing. She futzed around with it for a minute or two and finally, a perfectly installed flag. Her American flag made the whole building look better.

Happy 4th of July!

alexisyque
July 5th, 2013, 09:31 PM
I'm on my 3rd go-around of Freaks and Geeks and I'll be damned if it doesn't get better everytime

orpheus
July 5th, 2013, 09:48 PM
I decided that the next time a mosqueeter bites me, I am going to card it since my blood is 80 proof. mhihi:

mark1178
July 9th, 2013, 10:40 AM
A falafel is a retarded waffle

King Ludwig
July 10th, 2013, 11:29 PM
The best thing about moving is NOT having a phone number that's one digit off of not just one...but TWO wedding chapels...

Noble Savage
July 11th, 2013, 05:19 AM
I've put in a request at work that most employee rules and guidelines should not apply to me since I am genetically over 99% chimp.

Butch 19
July 11th, 2013, 07:30 AM
I've put in a request at work that most employee rules and guidelines should not apply to me since I am genetically over 99% chimp.

You're a Chimpanzian-American? (... or -Canadian)

mrm55
July 11th, 2013, 07:34 AM
Has anyone ever seen a bear s*** in the woods?

King Ludwig
July 11th, 2013, 10:19 AM
You know you have a box office bomb on your hands when a critic suggested putting Steve Urkel at the end of the movie saying "DID I DO THAT???"...

BTW...that critic was an LGKer and the movie was THE LONE RANGER...

KickEm
July 11th, 2013, 12:51 PM
Has anyone ever seen a bear s*** in the woods?
http://i973.photobucket.com/albums/ae215/KickEm/bearwoods_zps96116536.jpg

alexisyque
July 11th, 2013, 03:28 PM
"dorothy mantooth is a saint!!!!!!!"

VCRW
July 11th, 2013, 05:31 PM
Worst display of a Kings support -- KNBC News just showed the 16 year-old kid from Menifee who is charged in his half-brother's death wearing a silver and purple crown logo black t-shirt.

mark1178
July 12th, 2013, 01:39 AM
Can't sleep. Done it 3 times...now what?

Claw21
July 14th, 2013, 07:57 AM
My new neighbors bug

Luc SkyBomba
July 14th, 2013, 06:02 PM
just sold my nsx...

/cry

mark1178
July 16th, 2013, 05:20 AM
I read LGK mostly in the morning on the toilet for my morning poopers after I feed the kitties

Roody
July 17th, 2013, 11:21 AM
I haven't been here forever.

ucsdguy1
July 18th, 2013, 05:04 PM
I wonder when swatch phones are going to make a comeback..

mrm55
July 18th, 2013, 05:10 PM
I wonder when swatch phones are going to make a comeback..

When they put them on Beanie Babies.

mark1178
July 22nd, 2013, 09:32 AM
Might be suffering from Low Testoserone. When I squeeze it now, he looks pissed.

Luc SkyBomba
July 22nd, 2013, 09:43 AM
Might be suffering from Low Testoserone. When I squeeze it now, he looks pissed.

you gotta wait more time between sessions dude

VF
July 22nd, 2013, 04:45 PM
As you age you realize you were in fact not smarter than everyone else, but rather dumb enough not to recognize the intelligence that surrounded you.

mark1178
July 23rd, 2013, 05:16 PM
When cat owners go see other cats and play with them at the pet store, they come home and their actual cats are mad that they were seeing other kitties. It's pretty much the same thing as when a man goes to a strip bar and his wife finds stripper glitter on them.

alexisyque
July 24th, 2013, 11:12 AM
My dad turns 60 today. I almost don't believe it

mitchrock
July 24th, 2013, 11:19 AM
Public Service Announcement....Remember to practice safe humping!

Happy Hump Day Mitches!

TooCool
July 24th, 2013, 11:21 AM
My dad turns 60 today. I almost don't believe it

Happy Birthday to your dad!

Drunken Crunker
July 24th, 2013, 11:55 AM
A small group of crows (around 4-5) just landed on my patio.

Is that attempted murder?

notbob
July 24th, 2013, 11:57 AM
A small group of crows (around 4-5) just landed on my patio.

Is that attempted murder?

The bad joke thread is that ^ way

Drunken Crunker
July 24th, 2013, 12:03 PM
The bad joke thread is that ^ way

What? Orange ya glad to see me?

mark1178
July 25th, 2013, 10:03 AM
I wanna punch a goat

mark1178
July 31st, 2013, 05:20 PM
How much would it suck if you were a man who had a Siamese twin who was the stronger one, and was also gay and decided to do gay porn?

mark1178
August 8th, 2013, 10:05 AM
Did my last post end this thread?

LOSTcauseZERO
August 11th, 2013, 01:03 PM
Nothing says you have PTSD more than insisting that you get that corner table at the restaurant that has good fields of fire.

shadowalk
August 12th, 2013, 04:03 PM
I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

ucsdguy1
August 15th, 2013, 10:31 AM
I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
a pediatric gynecologist?

nocturn
August 16th, 2013, 05:25 AM
Not a "thought" persay but still a thoughtful exchange:

Mrs Blonde nocturn concerned about the slightly overgrown boxwoods-

"Hey babe, is that thing you use to cut the bushes out front broken?

nocturn-

"No. Is that thing you use to wash clothes broken?

"F-U"

Hehe.

mark1178
August 22nd, 2013, 10:28 AM
Going to see an orthopedic doctor next week due to the pain in my joints. I have 20 bucks that his diagnosis will be "mr mark1178, you died like 12 years ago, that's why you are falling apart. You can accept it and go away, or you can pull a Chuck Norris and live on"

mark1178
August 26th, 2013, 08:09 AM
Boobs

JACimages
August 26th, 2013, 12:34 PM
Why is it that the worst fast food places succeed? Mainly talking about McDonalds and Subway.

nocturn
August 28th, 2013, 03:18 PM
Why is it that the worst fast food places succeed? Mainly talking about McDonalds and Subway.
Pretty easy to decipher dude...they were once good grinds and greed became more important than product. McDonald's was the bomb (according to Grand noct) back in the 40's and 50's. It was that generations In/Out. Yep, I said it.

Subway was KILLER in the 80's, KILLER, KILLER, KILLER! There was nothing better after 6 hours of surf than (a bowl, in real life) a "Large Wheat, Roast Beef and Provolone w/extra Horseradish, please!" for $4 bones. The tubed crap they sell now isn't remotely what they had then.

The only sub that comes close to the old Subway Shops now is Jersey Mike's. I do damage to a "Mike's Way" #6 (http://letsgokings.com/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=6) , minus the bowl. :)

orpheus
August 29th, 2013, 08:53 AM
What does the "that" mean in both the I'll do anything for love, but I won't do that and I can't go for that (no can do) songs? :think:

mark1178
August 29th, 2013, 10:37 AM
What does the "that" mean in both the I'll do anything for love, but I won't do that and I can't go for that (no can do) songs? :think:

Anal

orpheus
August 29th, 2013, 11:39 PM
Now you're just being dirty Marky Mark! :nono:

I''ll still buy you a doughnut, but no coffee! ;)

mark1178
August 30th, 2013, 07:57 PM
Now you're just being dirty Marky Mark! :nono:

I''ll still buy you a doughnut, but no coffee! ;)

the truth hurts.

no coffee? Thems fighting words


random thought?

ate one bag of Oreos, no regrets

orpheus
September 7th, 2013, 09:25 PM
I feel like dancing with robots.

♪┏(・o・)┛♪└[∵┌]└[ ∵ ]┘[┐∵]┘┗ ( ・o・) ┓♪

King Ludwig
September 23rd, 2013, 01:23 PM
I just love the smell of fresh tar in the morning...

Bogey
September 29th, 2013, 12:37 PM
Is that Joe Thornton in the Moto X commercials?

Motorola Moto X TV Commercial, 'Lazy Phone: Bedroom' - iSpot.tv (http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7bvm/motorola-moto-x-lazy-phone-bedroom)

King Ludwig
October 3rd, 2013, 01:40 AM
I just got notification that I got my same Smith's this year (my 9th life there) from THE Salvation Army...so long as I don't miss the orientation on the 23rd... I also have about two small storage tubs filled with donations (so far mostly old computer parts) ready to go to the corps...if not careful...three...

Bogey
October 30th, 2013, 12:07 PM
What good is an organization without...organization?

KingThomas
October 31st, 2013, 12:29 PM
Pin trading seems like it would be cool because there are some awesome cloisonne pins out there...I just truly lack the motivation to interact with pin traders.

TMAC
November 6th, 2013, 02:03 PM
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

TMAC
November 6th, 2013, 02:05 PM
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

TMAC
November 6th, 2013, 02:05 PM
In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?

TMAC
November 6th, 2013, 02:08 PM
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

P. Diddy
November 6th, 2013, 04:56 PM
Why are they called hot pockets if they're frozen #highdeas (http://letsgokings.com/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=highdeas)

orpheus
November 7th, 2013, 11:05 AM
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony...

Stuck a feather up his a butt, and called it...

*wait for it*

Getting Horny.

mhihi: :facepalm:

JEEPKING
November 7th, 2013, 02:01 PM
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

King Ludwig
November 10th, 2013, 08:52 AM
The man who brought the bagpipes to Scotland was named Giuseppe Aroni... He loved the country so much that he decided to stay and changed his name to MacAroni...

mark1178
November 19th, 2013, 05:12 PM
When I die I want Al Michaels and John Madden call the play by play of my funeral.

mrm55
November 20th, 2013, 08:36 AM
When I die I want Al Michaels and John Madden call the play by play of my funeral.

When you're dead the announcers you'll have the pleasure of hearing, will be the greatest of all time... Howard and Dandy Don. Many times they were as entertaining as the game.

Bogey
November 25th, 2013, 08:35 PM
Score!

ucsdguy1
November 26th, 2013, 05:30 PM
if the cookie stand is on the first level, but the food court is on the 2nd level, is the cookie stand really part of the mall food court?

Bogey
December 6th, 2013, 01:31 PM
Really like the Kmart Christmas commercials with people on loop freaking out over the deals they got a Kmart.

Silly, funny, to the point, they make it clear it's Kmart...good job.

ChilledAgua
December 9th, 2013, 12:08 AM
Is that Joe Thornton in the Moto X commercials?

Motorola Moto X TV Commercial, 'Lazy Phone: Bedroom' - iSpot.tv (http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7bvm/motorola-moto-x-lazy-phone-bedroom)

No. He's in the ads for Jack Links - "Messin' with Thornton."


http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=messin'+with+sasquatch+commercials&FORM=VIRE1#view=detail&mid=AA08E95CF5FDE7233C72AA08E95CF5FDE7233C72

Bogey
December 16th, 2013, 09:38 AM
This dude at work, he's a big dude, just sneezed and it sounded like a poodle yelp.

King Ludwig
December 16th, 2013, 12:57 PM
You know your team's doing bad when a bell ringer from THE Salvation offers you the kettle...

mark1178
December 16th, 2013, 07:56 PM
Good things happen to sales reps. Me in one stall in the bathroom dropping a Canuck, a sales rep comes in and I know it's the same guy because he always goes to pee, coughs then farts. Same thing today, except after his fart, which sounded mooshy, he said "oh fu*** and through the slit in the stall, I see a man in brown, with a browner spot on one end, slacks waddle over to the stall next to mine.

In the words of a mighty poet,
Today was a good day.

Bogey
December 17th, 2013, 11:44 AM
Carrots wait for no one
So I'll pick them now
Before they are eaten
By some slobby cow

King Ludwig
December 19th, 2013, 10:18 PM
What kind of gutless bastard would steal a kettle from a blind man??? When I got the bad news...I wondered if was my favorite Wal-Mart ringer...but it wasn't... As a result...we all got locks keeping the kettle intact with the stand...

I hope they caught the lowlifes that stole LeRoy's kettle...and hope it was early enough in the shift that there was under $20 bucks in it...

mark1178
December 20th, 2013, 08:20 PM
I want to eat a penguin.

chicken + fish = penguin

Penguin, the chickenfish of the sea

King Ludwig
December 20th, 2013, 10:23 PM
Unless someone was practicing for the World's Strongest Man Competition...that kettle of mine would have been caught within three feet if it was stolen... If anyone ever heard me mention a "pity pot"...it's called that because it would be a pity if I don't dislocate my shoulder lifting it... Trust me on this...if it takes TWO supervisors to get that kettle out of the RING...you KNOW it's the mother-in-law of all pity pots...:rockon:

Three days left of ding-a-ling duties...including a missed game tomorrow...but I'll do my best to keep my phone charged up enough to catch up with details when I get a breather...

King Ludwig
December 22nd, 2013, 03:26 PM
I can't wait till the end of this kettle season...only if it's to rest a sore shoulder from lifting too many of my PITY POTS...

King Ludwig
December 22nd, 2013, 08:29 PM
I've been a soldier with my corps for ten years...but I've been a paid kettle worker for ten...volunteered for an eleventh (my second year...yet first as a soldier)... This year I went on a hybrid 4 to 1 paid to volunteer week which will go next year as well...

My first year was on the Strip...and I really didn't like it... I did tell a couple of old friends that happened by that I was going to be a soldier with THE Salvation Army after the kettle season was through... Their response???

GOD HELP THE SALVATION ARMY!!!

Bogey
January 5th, 2014, 09:13 PM
The dude who played the priest in Gran Torino is now peddling Clorox bleach in TV ads.

King Ludwig
January 6th, 2014, 12:18 PM
You know it's bad when you prefer prison to spending more time with your wife...

Bogey
January 7th, 2014, 06:36 AM
I woke from a dream where I was in Las Vegas cuddling with Courtney Cox, pre her face looking like skeletal remains.

mark1178
January 8th, 2014, 07:54 PM
How the heck is "Dick" short for "Richard"? None of that makes sense. The first Richard must have been a Dick, I guess.

Butch 19
January 8th, 2014, 08:47 PM
How the heck is "Dick" short for "Richard"? None of that makes sense. The first Richard must have been a Dick, I guess.

same with John and Jack... ??

FishMonger
January 9th, 2014, 11:41 AM
Henry and Hank

mark1178
January 11th, 2014, 06:34 PM
Oooohhhh look the fancy new LGK logo. I'm gonna impregnate it.

Bogey
January 12th, 2014, 06:38 PM
Just saw the new iPad Air commercial with the players in yellow Kings practice uniforms at TSCs southern-most rink.

I think that was Williams & Kopitar.
Skated there right after they filmed it.