The Stupid/Not So Stupid Joke Thread - Part II

When you're out of work...just tell them that you're a full time pickpocket at a nudist camp...

Then walk away before they realize they've been had...
 
There was this man named Patrick Henry who would go around giving speeches and passing gas so much that he got a reputation as a great orator.

And one day when they wanted to take away his freedom, he got up, and shout, "Give me liberty! Or pull my finger!"

So they gave him liberty because no one wanted to pull his finger and release that reputation.

Happy 4th of July! :mhihi: :fpalm: :cheers
 
A strange thing happened during a performance of Elgar’s Sea Pictures at a concert hall in Bermuda tonight...

The man playing the triangle disappeared...
 
The search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on... Inspector Samuel Jones had a tip-off this morning...but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow...
 
A used car dealer told me that the standard sales pitch that it was owned by a little old woman who only knew see it on Sunday has been replaced by a nymphomaniac who only used the back seat...
 
I was at the park and witnessed a murder...so I called the police...
They told me to leave the crows alone and stop calling...
 
When I was in the hospital in October 29th 2018...for the first time since 1976 (broken foot)...I still didn't know what it was that was bothering me...but I knew that it was bad because I couldn't get to my feet... On Halloween day I was sent to the COVID ward on what I thought was a normal bout of strep throat that hits me before bell ringing season... It only took three months to realize that everything I was in for was related to a spinal injury...and this was by a rehab doctor at the first place I was sent... (I kid you not...that doctor's name was Kevorkian...but that's another joke to be saved by Dr. Kevorkian...)

The night in question...they put me on a malaria drug with Vitamin D...but it did have a slight after effect on some people...a loss in taste that would last for 24 hours... My doctor at the time (Dr. Ellis) asked me if I lost my sense of taste...not knowing that a nurse was drinking water behind him... Heck...I didn't even know that she was in the room...

Without missing a beat I told him... "Well...I DO have this sudden urge to listen to Michael Bolton..."

You should have seen it...the doctor coming out of that heavy mist the nurse gave him...
 
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