The Stupid/Not So Stupid Joke Thread - Part II

When one door closes, another one opens.

Outside of that, it's a pretty good car.
 
What did the snow man say to the carrot?







Get out of my face!!!!
 
How do you tell the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?




Snow balls!
 
Police are reporting that they have just located a truck of stollen goods...

They are not hopeful that anyone will come forward to claim the German fruitcake...
 
Should Audi mechanics come to mind
When you break down on a dime
Should Audi mechanics fix on time
You will faint just to be kind...
 
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A little late...but this refrain from a parody I wrote made our Christmas card as I was working dispatch for a repo company...

Repossess...Repossess...your car note's due today
Oh what fun it is to ride the bus on Christmas day...
 
A Kings fan gets hit with the puck in the second period... He asks for a pain killer...

In the middle of the third...he's asked how well it worked...

He says without missing a beat.... "These freaking refs are still here!!!"
 
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China is claiming that there's no doping in these Olympics...

...and the gold medal for gymnastics goes to Chinese athlete Do Ping...
 
Vegetarians eat vegetables...................
........so I guess cannibals are humanitarians?

:rimshot:


I have a fear of speed bumps..........
...........but I'm slowly getting over it.

:rimshot:


I had a lot of time while in jail...............
........so I wrote my alibiography.

:rimshot:
 
I handed the gas station attendant a five dollar bill. He farted, and handed me a receipt.
 
The French have four faults...

Their excessive body hair
Their food
Their language
The fact that they're French
 
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