This morning, when the Washington Post fired back with the Hit ?Em Up of food rants, titled, ?Ranch dressing is what?s wrong with America.? Which we can all probably agree is a little dramatic. It had some doozy lines too. Like this gem:
First, it?s disgusting. It tastes like exactly what it is, which is milk that?s halfway rotten. Why would anyone want to take something that they would throw out if they unexpectedly smelled it in their fridge and put that on their salad?
That paragraph reveals the author?s shaky handle on dairy-foods. Plenty of wonderful foods are based on bacteria cultures. Using this logic, the ?halfway rotten? argument might also apply to a whole smattering of cheeses, anything fermented, etc.
Things got hotter:
Second, diners are using it incorrectly. Putting ranch on salad at least has a rationale: Many people don?t appreciate vegetables and feel compelled to slather everything in processed fat. Fine. But why would anyone use it on french fries? Because deep-fried food isn?t greasy and caloric enough? And putting it on pizza ? a horrifying, common practice ? is insane because pizza is already dripping with mozzarella. It?s completely redundant, wildly unhealthy and disrespectful to any halfway decent pizza, the chef who made it and to the Italian people who gave it to us.
So, basically: ?**** Ranch Dressing as a staff, food product, and as a mother****ing crew. And if you want to be down with Ranch Dressing, **** you too!?